Comments on: Barbie and Disney Princesses Every Which Way: Balancing Family Values with Individual Choices

By: melissa

melissa — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 03:58:08 +0000

I have a 4 year old and I think we’re on the back side of the Princesses. Granted, we didn’t have much Princess-themed “stuff” in our house, but they were always around (mainly as imaginary friends). She has only ever watched Cinderella, but she will pretend to be all of them- meaning if she is wearing yellow, her name is Belle and she goes about her imaginary play. Sometimes the Princesses hang out in Ponyville with the My Little Ponies. But she never plays following the strict storyline of the movies or any of the books we’ve read, it’s all out of her imagination.

That being said… those blasted Princesses have actually done something helpful. My amazing 4 year old is the best flosser EVER due to the Princess Flossers she got at the dentist office. The plain “boring” ones that DH and I have? not as much fun apparently. But, it’s getting her to floss- and she LIKES to floss.

By: Katie

Katie — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 03:01:19 +0000

I loved this! I, too, dislike the Disneyfication of our childrens’ worlds. Not that I have a problem with princesses per se (although I could if I thought about it too hard!), I just don’t like the subtexts and uniformity.
For a spunkier, Disney-free princess book, try “Don’t kiss the frog!” ed. Fiona Waters – great stories about princesses with spunk who still have functional relationships (as compared to “Princess Smartypants” by Babette Cole).
A little bit dated but still good is “Growing a girl” by Barbara Mackoff. If anyone has any other suggestions, I’d love to hear them!

By: Chrissie

Chrissie — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 12:13:30 +0000

I was raised by a mother who bought me trucks instead of barbies and didn’t want me to see Cinderella and Snow White. I understand why one would want to reject Cinderella and Snow White. I myself do not want my own daughter to be taught stereotypical gender roles by a commercial powerhouse like Disney or Mattel.

My mother in spite of her feminism, trying to focus on raising me to reject the these characters, allowed my father to abuse us and told me my father did these things because he loved me. Additionally, she often told me that there was no such thing as true love that there were many people who could make you happy. The result was my not believing that any man could possibly have value to me as a life long mate.

As an adult, after having met my husband who is truly the perfect man for me and irreplaceable, I can see how stories like Cinderella and Snow White became popular. My husband did sweep in and figuratively save me from a lifetime of abuse. Not on a white horse but through loving me and treating me the way every human being deserves he showed me what love looks like and learning that has allowed me to pass it on to my daughter. I would like my daughter to believe that there is the possibility that there is a wonderful person out there who will make her unbelievably happy and safe. The difference is I’d like her to see the real life example of my husband and myself rather than a fictional cartoon princess.

By: Mary

Mary — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 17:49:24 +0000

I really appreciate what your goal is here. However, try not to get caught up in a Pygmalion project of trying to make your daughter what YOU want her to be either. It would appear that your daughter is following her natural urges and preferences that are innate to her temperament. To encourage the strengths of her temperament is really what you are after. When she follows her temperament she will become what she has been designed to be. It’s already built in. Her preferences will lead you to what those strengths are. For instance: She may love the “glitter” because she may be of a temperament that is very spontaneous and exciting, or she may love it because she appreciates the color and sparkle of the objects as an art form. You will need to find out which temperament she is to know what the strengths of the temperament are. (An excellent source is the book “I May Frustrate You, But I’m a Keeper!” It has the tools and information you will need.) The suggestion to plant the seeds of critical thinking is excellent. Learn with her “why” she prefers certain things; and then build on the the choice if it is a strength and discuss the options and reasoning behind the choice if she is “following the crowd/culture” only. She’s going to continue to have the same preferences no matter what you do because that is how she is made. When you “mechanically” deny them, you will cause a disconnect. However, if you encourage the strength of the preference and encourage the same preference in a healthy direction you will really score in attachment (because she will know that you understand her, rather than oppose her natural choices) and in helping her to develop a life of fulfillment. You, in turn, will be a happier parent because you will appreciate her natural choices even more when you understand the strengths they possess.

By: apprenticemom

apprenticemom — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 03:25:29 +0000

I am with you on balance. If my daughter insists on the free Disney character toothbrush from the dentist or what have you, then I do not object. I do take exception, however, to my mother in law doing the same thing yours apparently does, which is to insert her own ideas (which she knows darn well I object to) in such a way that I cannot reasonably do a thing about it. I’m sorry, but it is NOT OK for grandparents to use a gift giving opportunity to promote their own agenda (as you put it in your post). No. Not OK. (Are you sensing this is a major battleground for me? )

Thanks for sharing your ideas and experiences!

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 23:08:04 +0000

I naturally do not gravitate towards lots of jewelry, make-up, & nail polish, etc.
Plus I agree with the author’s view on Barbie & Disney.
However, God gave me a beautiful daughter that is “estrogen-full”!

I have learned to “not sweat the small stuff” & let her enjoy. Disney toothbrushes would certainly qualify under “small stuff”. She enjoys sharing Barbie & Disney with friends.
I do give her the gift of an occasional comment pointing out how “real girls & women” are not shaped like Barbie, and encourage learning, realistic views but also enjoy creativity & art like Disney. Communication is key. I wouldn’t want her to grow up resenting me for not letting her enjoy these toys with her friends.

Another lesson for me came from my oldest son: I raised him with no toy guns. He is now a police officer. Go figure.
So you may make your child want it more!

Reminder: “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”
Save it for something important & Big/meaningful!

By: MommaDunne

MommaDunne — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 19:12:32 +0000

I spent many years feeling guilty over my daughters’ enjoyment of Disney movies. They annoyed me on so many levels; historical inaccuracy, over-dramatization, sterotyping, and lack of loving parental presence! Now that my lovely daughters are 17 and 19, they are re-playing all their childhood favorites with their friends every summer. My 17 year old even planned out an amzing fully costumed Mad Hatter Tea Party for her birthday this year. The girls and their group of friends each identify with a Disney princess and on birthdays they give silly little trinkets with each ones princess on it.
Commercialized ? Yes.
Supporting Disney with our $$$? Yes.
Well-loved, balanced, sweet girls? Yes.
With attachment, it is possible.

By: Debbie

Debbie — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 19:07:45 +0000

We have had the same struggle but I think we have reached a good place with it. The first thing I did was to mention that we don’t buy that stuff with characters on it because those are for people who don’t really know what they like, so they rely on some company to tell them what to like. That really resonated for my very independent and opinionated daughters who don’t want ANYONE to tell them what they like

Of course, though, the characters have found their way in and the girls like to play with barbies and dress up like princesses. But they also like to dress up as Laura and Mary Ingalls and play soccer and build with blocks and dig in the mud.

Biggest thing, I think, is that they have never watched the movies or TV shows with those characters, so they are really just toys like any other toys that have no more or less power over them. Their princess games never involve being rescued by a handsome prince or getting married; usually it is just about the fun of dressing up and then bossing people around (they actually have been fighting over who gets to be the servant!).

By: Aimee

Aimee — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 18:29:41 +0000

OK, pardon my last post. I don’t know how I missed the last part where you said “we came home with Belle.” I do still believe that outright denial vs. teachable moments is at the core of this kind of discussion (and wished I had seen more of it in this article), but my point certainly lost its steam by my oversight.

By: Aimee

Aimee — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 18:24:03 +0000

I have to take issue with your article. While I agree that Disney Princesses and the media’s portrayal of the “ideal woman” is skewed, to say the least, I can’t get on board with the kind of us-vs-them tactics you discuss in your article. I too tried to shield my daughter from too Disney, Barbies, and all manner of women-as-objects imagery, but it was a losing battle, and one that, short of cloistering her in an ashram somewhere, was bound to fail. You say that “…I’ve raised Isabelle, who is four years old now, to think independently and figure out her tendencies based on her own ideas. [She] is able to clearly identify her likes and dislikes and assert her preferences to those around her,” yet in the same breath, you say that you refuse to let her have the toothbrush she wanted (with the princess on it), reinforcing *your* preferences, not her independent tendencies or preferences, proudly declaring “Isabelle has become exactly who I wanted her to be.” Well which is it? Is she really “exactly who you want her to be” or does she have the freedom to choose her preferences?

Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with the situation; and I don’t think that allowing your child to express her preferences means you should buy into the corporate hype and fill your home with princess dolls. But in cases where she is given a choice of a free toothbrush and she asks for one of the princess variety, wouldn’t there have been a teachable moment in allowing her to take the toothbrush, then start a *gasp* discussion about the things that give you pause? There are age-appropriate ways to do this which don’t require complex philosophical rants OR the iron-clad denial of items which will become even more ubiquitous–and tempting, when forbidden–as she gets older and sees all the children around her with those items. Rather than deny their existence, why not plant the seeds of critical thinking? Why not pick your battles, and let your child TRULY express her preferences in relatively innocuous situations (like choosing a free toothbrush) as means of opening the door to a broader discussion that might just be more valuable than outright denial?

I appreciate your concern, but I think you missed the mark on this one.