Comments on: Spirit or Form…Does It Matter Which Comes First?

By: Ren

Ren — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 03:01:49 +0000

Disagree. It’s not shaming, it’s reminding. Kids are forgetful, they don’t remember to say please and thank you until you remind them of it about a billion times. It doesn’t make it any less heartfelt when they do say it, it just makes sure they remember to consider the nice things done for them. Of course, this is assuming that we’re talking about a simple “What do you say?” or “Tell Grandma thank you” rather than something along the lines of “How can you be so thoughtless?” or “How many times do I have to tell you to say please?” or the flippant remarks to other in front of the child a la “He never says thank you” or “That’s my rude child.”
Also, we can’t leave off homework or piano practice until the kid wants to or feels like doing it. Obligations are not always fun, and by teaching our children that everything should be fun we put them at a disadvantage for their later years. Sometimes you just have to slog through something and the fun comes later. Sometimes you have to put in the effort until the sense of accomplishment makes it fun. Sometimes you just have to get your obligations out of the way so you can move on to something better. But the homework has to get done, fun or not.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 05:48:57 +0000

I will ask my child to say “thank you” once, and if she doesn’t I don’t sweat it and don’t ask a second time. I think the best way to teach “thank you” and other common courtesies is to model the behavior. When your child gives you something, you say “thank you!”

By: Emi

Emi — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 15:50:07 +0000

So I agree with the spirit of what your are saying. I can see it very clearly with the “forced apologies” and rewards, etc. I am not so clear on the thank you. So when we do things for our children – like get them water, food, a toy, or someone gives them a gift, we should not ask them to say “thank you” I understand not forcing them to say it, but asking them to. It seems to blur the line between teaching basic courtesy. Any advice. Thanks