Comments on: Why Your Child Doesn’t Share

By: Dtej2687

Dtej2687 — Sat, 23 Jun 2012 04:00:05 +0000

I’m so glad I came across this article! I am not alone! My little one doesn’t always share with my sisters son who comes over every other day, and I just give my nephew other toys…so I’m glad I got this perspective! Makes sense

By: Wendy

Wendy — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 21:05:43 +0000

“So we aren’t going there anymore so I don’t model violence.”

HAHAHA!

By: Liz

Liz — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 14:39:56 +0000

Athena, with my own toddler, I tell her that they are toys for everyone and everyone needs a chance to have fun and can she choose a dinosaur (well, with us it’s usually the trains) for the other kid?

It works for us, since she’s generally pretty agreeable about that. Unless she’s tired/overwhelmed, in which case I scoop her up and we move on. Because if she’s not up for reasoning like “everyone gets to play” she’s going to completely lose it soon and really just needs hugs.

I actually stopped going to a playgroup because another mom thought I should force my daughter to share. She felt grabbing toys from children was an appropriate way to model behavior. So we aren’t going there anymore so I don’t model violence.

By: Kati

Kati — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 05:00:46 +0000

I was surprised to see my son share with other children when I have never made him share. He is 2 years old and usually shares without a problem, despite never being forced or encouraged to share, reprimanded for not sharing, or praised for sharing. I think some kids just share more willingly, while others tend not to. Nothing wrong with that. As an adult I have things I don’t share, and things I do. I usually don’t mind sharing at all, but of course there are limits. I’m not going to let a stranger borrow my car, for example.

My son is an only child, so his only experience with sharing has been to see my husband and I share. I am not sure whether that has influenced him, but I would guess it has.

By: Sonya-Justice

Sonya-Justice — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 05:34:07 +0000

Thank you for writing this this is the same way I view sharing but others don’t seem to get it. My mom gets really upset with me that I don’t make my oldest daughter (almost 3) share with her sister (almost one) Sometimes she shares and sometimes she doesn’t and I don’t see it as a big deal when she doesn’t. I taught her that if her sister wants to play and she doesn’t want to share then she just needs to help the baby find something different to play with, and then take her own toys to a table or somewhere else the baby can’t reach them. Most of the toys were hers long before her sister was born and I do my best to respect that she doesn’t always want to share her belongings. I don’t always want to share what is mine either!

By: Wolfgang

Wolfgang — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 03:44:03 +0000

Great article – validates a lot of what I ‘thought’ I knew but was contrary to what I was seeing others do! As stated by others here, young toddlers don’t understand ‘sharing’ and Naomi Aldort does a wonderful job explaining how directing them to share teaches: “1. Tell others what to do regardless of what they feel and need. (You are telling your child.)2. Ignore your own preferences and follow instructions.”

I wonder how many of the parents I see telling their little ones to give up their toys in the name of sharing would hand over THEIR belongings to me just because I wanted something of theirs!

By: Athena

Athena — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 03:18:19 +0000

My question is what about situations where a child is playing with toys and the other child then wants to grab every toy out of their hands and yells “Mine!” (even when it is not theirs). Basically not allowing the other child to play with anything. Another example would be hording – there are 10 tiny dinosaurs and the child must have all 10 and the second child is very interested in her play and wants to join but she won’t allow her to touch any of them, to the point of covering them all so that even she cannot play because she is so busy protecting them?

By: Heather

Heather — Sat, 18 Sep 2010 13:29:24 +0000

Nicky, I work with toddlers (18-36 months) in a group environment. At this age, it’s totally appropriate to tell other children – and adults if necessary – that right now, your daughter is playing with this toy, & when she is done, they may have a turn (even if your daughter’s turn seems to go on forever). It may help to have a toy similar in function nearby to which you can redirect other interested children.

Kids this young don’t really understand sharing, & as the article states, those who share are doing it out of intimidation by adults. Forcing your child to stop what she’s doing in order to give the material to someone else is going to distress her. She is not alone in this, & there’s a good reason why. There is crucial brain development going on right now, & when a child forms an attachment to a certain toy, she is provided a great opportunity for expanding concentration for longer & longer periods of time. Her emotional reactions are protective of this process.

The flipside, of course, is that when she wants toys other children are using, the same rule applies. She may choose another toy until that one becomes available.

Save the sharing lessons for another year or two. Better yet, let her discover it on her own after watching your behavior & that of older kids. Trust that she will get it, & protect her from interference in the meantime.

Hope this helps.

By: Greg

Greg — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 15:21:08 +0000

I believe Kalika was asking for a facebook share button to be added to your website, not for permission to advertise for your website, because sharing links with your friends doesn’t require copyright permission.

You can find the button here: http://www.facebook.com/share/

It also wouldn’t hurt to add the Twitter button while your at it.

By: The Attached Family

The Attached Family — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 21:59:32 +0000

You can post the link or reprint the article, but credit the author and Attachment Parenting International.