Miriam, no way in this article had religion been mentioned. Please note that the definition of marriage could be widely accepted as: “Marriage (also called matrimony or wedlock) is a social union or legal contract between people called spouses that establishes rights and obligations between the spouses, between the spouses and their children, and between the spouses and their in-laws.[1] The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but it is principally an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. When defined broadly, marriage is considered a cultural universal.” This has nothing to do with any religion.

Secondly, there is nothing in this article that stated the ‘only way’ to have a deep meaningful relationship with another human being is to be married. She simply stated that the ‘greatest expression of sexuality is in the context of marriage when all elements of attachment can be fulfilled’. She didn’t say it was the ONLY way.

I understand that it is very hard to feel that you have been wronged and that your feelings of ‘not good enough’ has been triggered by this article and this article simply lets you look at how you’ve been raising your children and to let you know that if you keep going the same path…your children could very well grow up using sex as a way to attach to another human being. Then we wonder why teenage pregnancies and STDs are on the rise. All I’m saying is now you ladies know that there is another way of doing things better then do better so you can change your legacies once and for all.

I would take things one step further and say that the reason the divorce rate is so high in the Western world is because too many people marry people they do not truly love.

Why would that be? Probably because the words “I love you.” become a painful reminder of a lie told by a previous lover. Thus, people tend to want to escape true love as their hearts are hardened. They choose spouse to provide something that they never got in previous sexual relationships and it never works out.

The point of this article was not to say anything about adults who engage in premarital sex, but to educate readers on the detriments of not having close relationships with their children, which can and usually does lead to those children looking for that closeness outside the home, with their peers and boy/girlfriends, which when combined with the current social and pop climate of very early sexual activity, (generally with someone whom they do not love or can have a safe and secure relationship) this leads to the disastrous result of not only unwanted pregnancies (which, because of the possibility of adoption is not the longest-lasting casualty of this event) but of lasting tendencies toward outward methods of feeling loved and esteemed, instead of having an inner knowledge of self-esteem. A 13 year old boy or girl with strong family ties and feelings of self-worth and self-sufficiency does not need to find it elsewhere.

This article is totally unrelated to the maturation of a teenager’s sexuality- a process which is normal and to which attention needs to be paid, but this article is solely about those children and teens who turn to sexual activity not out of making a mature decision to take that next step with a loving partner, but out of desperation to find the closeness they are missing, and sadly, to gain acceptance from peers- the absolute WORST reason to engage in sexual activity.

Those who have commented about religion being involved in this article did not read the words, but read what they feared to hear, as evidenced by their comments, as themselves have engaged in premarital sex and were solely intent on justifying their own actions, instead of listening to the research coming about how to help future generations.

Those who have commented about sexual activity being a natural part of the teenage years also didn’t actually take in what the article said- which was that the trends are now showing the majority of teens engaging in sexual activity- which because of those high numbers, we now see it as “normal”. I think what the article is trying to say is that this new “normal” is not healthy for teenagers- that instead of looking for that love and cultivating their sexuality, they should be cultivating their relationships with their parents (which is the parents’ job to instigate).

We need to look at teen sexuality in a different paradigm and see that maybe with proper attention to a child’s relationship with his parents, that sexuality can be something in which he is calmly in control, unfettered by pressure from peers, and satisfied with himself enough to take his sexuality for what it is- a normal part of his life, not as a means to status or something to be used for anything other than the natural pursuit of a meaningful relationship, and not used by anyone else to elevate their status or control over him either, by introducing the pleasure of sexuality without the natural twin of it’s responsibility, eventually yielding broken hearts on what is eventually both sides. This is what the educational research of this article is trying to say, nothing more.

I agree, yes, to have a working parental relationship with your children you need to develop in them an understanding of who is “the boss.” However, control and power in any relationship makes it difficult to even begin to see the benefits of our attachment parenting skills and hard work to shine through. Physical intimacy is DEVELOPMENTALLY appropriate to explore for children in this stage, and please, if there’s one thing we all know, human behavior does not happen in a psychological vacuum-this article is most definitely political in many respects! I work with many sexually active young girls and teens who were forced into the situations they faced in their past. I dare you to ask them if they think sexual freedom is a myth.

Overall, I appreciated this reading. I got a lot out of this discussion on intimacy though I agree that I was not expecting the language that was used on API. I particularly appreciate the second paragraph which beautifully illustrates our cultures definition of maturity. Thanks for posting it and getting an interesting conversation going!