Comments on: Stripping the Layers of Advice

By: Eva

Eva — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:29:56 +0000

I am always amazed how much excitement comes from pure re-discovery of common sense or the option to listen to one’s own instincts. So sad that they both died long time ago…. (applies not to the parenting only but unfortunately to all the ways of life..). SO UPLIFTING that there are glimpses of attempts to bring them back to life.
So true that we all should use the outsider’s advice as a hint or a suggestion only. Our own thinking and common sense should always prevail. Acting out of love would help immensely. I’d even suggest love to be our sole adviser anyways.
Back to API way of raising children. I consider myself a strong woman and restless and fearless fighter for the fair equality between men and women which, however, goes both ways. That’s why I do not like the lack of stress on the importance of the father’s role in the child’s development. All I’ve read so far was Mother, mother, mother. Is it really so that this API way sees the fathers just as a supportive (or optional, or even not really needed) element in the whole process??? Or do I just misread it and it should be read Mother (Father), mother (father), mother (father), or better Mother=Father, mother=father, or even Father (Mother)in some instances??
I am a mother who raised one son who is now 30 years old. Actually we all did. Myself, his father, his grandparents, and the whole family, our friends, his teachers… Without following any theories he successfully survived his own childhood and has grown up to a fine man and a loving father of his newborn baby. We did all love him and still do. We applied our loving care and still do. Unfortunately, the last impression I’ve got from my daughter-in-law is that she would follow API way of raising my grandson, which means that ALL the others (includes not only me as a grandmother and the whole crowd of whoever, but also my son as a father) have not much to say or do about or with the baby. It does sound scary to me and I wonder if this is the message the API way of raising children tries to send out?? Separate the baby from the family in the name of the HOLY MOTHER? I hope I just misunderstood it….

By: Nick & Kate

Nick & Kate — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 13:22:40 +0000

Thanks, Carrie. We totally agree. As parents of an extremely sleep-challenged child, every night is a new battle and nobody’s advice seems to hold much value. There is no absolute rule book to parenting, and nor should there be.

By: Food for Thought « speckled butter beans

Food for Thought « speckled butter beans — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 20:38:05 +0000

[...] was quoted in an excellent article entitled Stripping the Layers of Advice. Moms of wee ones, it’s definitely worthy of your [...]

By: mommy

mommy — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 19:52:44 +0000

Thank you so much. I have a 5 year old and a 6-1/2 year old and have always tried to parent by instinct (with a little help from books, your website, etc). I have also constantly fought those advice givers, including spouse. I am now involved in a very ugly custody battle and the level of over analytical parenting judgement is out of hand. Even going so far as to say breastfeeding after chiildren have teeth is abnormal and the reason other societies do so is because they don’t have formula!!! We, as a society, need to save ourselves. I have come to believe that attachment parenting (especially bedsharing) is the silent majority. I have had several women quietly, almost shamefully whisper their confessions of bedsharing. I immediately refer them to this website. We really need to change this mindset.

By: JoAnne

JoAnne — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 19:02:34 +0000

I am totally in agreement with your article, but I think it is important to realize that not everyone is raised in a family that allows for intuition to kick in. Helping those mothers learn to find reliable sources of help and support and information is incredibly important in this age of “information (and opinion) overload”

By: Dena

Dena — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 15:12:48 +0000

Thanks for the reminder. So far, this is what I’ve tried to do, but it is very difficult when everyone else (including partner and family) want to do things differently. Thanks for the support.

By: Sharene

Sharene — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 12:31:06 +0000

I love this article. I only wish I had read it when my daughter was still a baby (she is now 5). I was so overwhelmed with advise and baby books that I had no idea what felt natural to me. Happily now I stick to what works for me and try to ignore well meaning but annoying advise.

By: Amber

Amber — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 06:42:04 +0000

Thank you. That was insightful and beautiful.

By: memomuse

memomuse — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 18:30:16 +0000

I really liked this article. It makes sense to listen to ourselves, but I do believe as a society we need to get back to our roots and ourselves, which the seed is our inner voice. Well written without being preachy. Love it.

By: AlmitraB

AlmitraB — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 16:06:59 +0000

Very nice! My husband and I bed-share with our son because it’s what works for us. Nothing else worked. Now 10-months old, people comment on how calm and happy he is. We know it’s because we bed-share, as well as nurse on demand. However, when we share that, the same people raise their eye brows, and start talking about sleep training. I find it sad that our society is more concerned with processes than results. It’s like the old medial adage. “The surgery was a success, but the patient died.”