Comments on: Attachment as Important at School as at Home

By: Isabel

Isabel — Sun, 15 Jul 2012 12:30:09 +0000

Dear sosshana,
Thank you for this article. I rin into it because i a, currently in the middlemof a worrisome situation for my son. He is 2 and 3 months and has been in daycare since 13 months. He gets very attached to one teacher which i think is good but there have been a couple of bad situations. One last summer when all teachers changed except one, and that one wasnt the one he was mostly attached so he had a couple of weeks of difficult adjustment with constant crying amd tamtums. Then he got attached from last august to one of the new teachers (rachel ). Now in june , so 3 weeks ago, the classroom transition to mew level happened so he went with all the kids to new classroom with only one teacher again from old class and she is not rachel. He is having again a hard time, dropp offs are incredible distressing and rachel is now floating classrooom so he sees her sometimes but when she liaves he gets totoally distressed. He does not want to go in the mornings and when i pick him up he says he is sad because rachel had to leave. I am very worried because i dont know if it is good that he sees her or it would be better not at all if she cant stay all day in his class and try to form a new attachment or should i speak with the school to see what they can do for him to not have to lose rachel? I am confused also because they keep telling me he is adjusting well, and that he cries after i leave vut then he plays and he cries when he sees rachel in the hallway but not as much….what are your thoguhts? Is he adjusting or is he shutting down? On the other hand i dont see he is attaching to anybody else since the teachers dont seem very engaging but when he is crying, amd when i asked about other people he gets quiet.

Thank you in advance.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 23:28:41 +0000

Can’t wait to read Laurie’s book. I homeschool one challenging student and think I’m due for a hit of inspiration…

By: Shoshana Hayman

Shoshana Hayman — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 08:30:10 +0000

Sylvia, I love your comments.
Laurie, yes, you speak of an ideal situation and how we would all long for this. Unfortunately, there is a growing world-wide trend for parents to work long hours and leave their young children in daycare at younger ages. This is an alarming situation, an unprecedented “experiment” you might call it, with very high risks. Your books is very important and I hope it will wake people up and make them think about priorities. But while the school system serves so many parents and children, we must try to influence it by making it attachment safe and developmentally friendly as much as we can for the sake of families. For example, this year we are doing a pilot in a community elementary school with the principal and the staff to help them become attachment safe and developmentally friendly. After the principal became aware of this, she became very enthusiastic and wants her whole staff to be involved in transforming the school. We hope it will give the children the rest (they need from securing their attachments) they need in order to grow.

By: Laurie A. Couture

Laurie A. Couture — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 03:26:50 +0000

I am surprised that this article does not mention the obvious and natural way for children’s attachment needs to be met during the day- By unschooling or homeschooling. A child’s attachment needs cannot be a priority in an environment that is oppressive and developmentally inappropriate for children of all ages, from preschoolers to high schoolers. Children’s basic physiological needs are denied in school (elimination, hunger, thirst, rest, play), their emotional needs are denied as well as their creative and spiritual needs. In my book, Instead of Medicating and Punishing, I discuss how traditional schooling actually disrupts secure parent-child attachment, with more severity to the attachment injury the older the child gets. Nature intended for children to learn joyfully, freely and with their parents, families, friends and community, not held hostage in a building for the best years of their lives being treated with neglect and in far too many cases, abuse. Please AP parents, research how unschooling is the natural next step in attachment parenting.

By: Tina McRorie

Tina McRorie — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 06:34:38 +0000

My family’s experience with an API support group led us naturally to a preschool with emphases on social-emotional development, positive discipline, developmentally appropriate learning, parent participation and parent education. This experience led us naturally to an elementary school with the same emphases. My family has been very fortunate to have these schools where parents as well as students are “collected.” I know there are other schools out there where families can find this kind of education. Look for co-op preschools with parent education components (perhaps run by the adult education program of the local public school district). For elementary schools, looking for one that is a member of the Coalition of Essential Schools may help.

By: Shoshana Hayman

Shoshana Hayman — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 20:00:19 +0000

I will send some more articles about the classroom to Attachment International. Basically, any way that you secure and protect attachment at home with your children gives you the way to do this in the classroom setting, too. One point I can make here is the idea of “collecting,” as Dr. Gordon Neufeld calls it. This means collecting your student’s eyes, smile and agreeable nod all throughout the day, conveying a sense of warmth and invitation to be with you. Collecting the parents, too, so they are on your side together with the child also helps very much — keeping the parents attached.

By: Sylvia@MaMammalia

Sylvia@MaMammalia — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 20:35:30 +0000

Thank you for bringing awareness to such an important issue. My son is still under 2, and I am already concerned about how he will be treated when he eventually goes to school (unless we decide to home school!) Erin’s comment above raises an important related issue: teacher awareness, resources, training, and SUPPORT for providing healthy attachments to their students. Perhaps if members of society showed as much interest in the emotional development as the intellectual development of our kids, then schools would look different. Imagine a culture like that!

By: Erin Fleming

Erin Fleming — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 01:58:05 +0000

I was just wondering about this. I am a new mom back to work after an extended mat. leave. I am a kindergarten teacher – such an important role in a young person’s life. I totally believe in the AP philosophy but I’d like some more support in applying these principles in the classroom. Any ideas?