If I tell/ask them to do something and they say “no,” we can talk about it. Doesn’t mean they won’t end up doing it.

Jen C.

I’ll bet she goes a lot farther in life than I did. Yes, it’s more work for me, but, most days, I can take it.

Good luck everyone and remember we don’t all need to parent alike!

Jen C

Throughout my childhood/teen years I was allowed to say no within reason (safety) and make my case if my parents and I disagreed. I will definitely do the same with my son and future children. If he does say no to eating his dinner, that doesn’t mean I’m just going to let him have dessert, but I’m not going to force-feed him either. (Listening to your body is a BIG ONE when it comes to saying no. I feel that “clear your plate” is a popular but dangerous mentality.) I want my kids to feel confident in standing up for themselves and their feelings, even (maybe especially) to me and others they love.

We also have to remember that saying’ “no” is how they begin to assert their independence. If they did not start becoming independent, then parents would complain that they are clingy and dependent. That is why parents sleep-train, after all, to make their poor babies “independent,” yet it is often the same parents that cannot handle the dependence in toddlerhood. How confusing. I do not believe in sleep-training, by the way.

I listen to my child if he is being defiant or is upset. I explain things to him. I let him say “no,” respectfully, but that does not mean he gets to do whatever he was doing because he said “no.” If he said “no” to eating dinner, like the example from a commentor, I would respect that he might not be hungry. If he said it to doing his homework, I would sit and work with him through his homework and get to the root of why he is saying “no.”

I think respect for authority (God, parents, etc.) is extremely important. I want my child to respect God and fear him. I want him to respect his parents, as well, but I also want to show my child I am worth respecting and respect him in return. With that said, I also think it is extremely important for parents to understand child development. We see a child’s behavior as “annoying” or “defiant” when that is not really what it is at all. The child is responding how he was designed to developmentally. So many parents misunderstand that.

I look at my son as a little person. His wants, needs, and desires are just as valuable and real as mine, so I respect them, even if I do not understand them. I also understand that it is my role as his mother, his teacher, to guide him and discipline him in a kind, effective, and gentle manner, and sometimes, that saying “no” and sticking to it. “No, it is not okay to hit because…”"Yes, we have to work on your homework because….” “No, you cannot go to the party because….” Hopefully my child will understand that I do not frivolously say “no” so he knows there is weight behind it when I do say it.