Nothing should be turned into a dogma. Some children are put in bed and stay asleep peacefully while parents stay up and use the time well. Some parents prefer that on family time in bed and if the child seems content and sleeps well, there is no problem. My article addresses the issue when it causes difficulties (as reported by many parents) and points to a choice that is not equally fit for everyone. Read all advice with your heart open and connected to yourself and to your child and choose the kindest way for all involved.

With care,
Naomi Aldort

We do need to arrange time to take care of things and of ourselves. We must arrange such time not at the cost of the child’s best. Sleep is simply not the best “baby sitter” and putting a child to bed takes a long time… I do not know your life possibilities, if you have a husband/partner, relatives, friends or the ability to hire help during the day. I also don’t know your child/ren’s age/s and needs.

I personally considered time with the children a full time parenting and bedtime together was perhaps the greatest joy of my life. Chores got done mostly when my husband and I were both at home, one being with the children, the other doing the dishes/dinner etc. I did sometimes accomplish things while the kids played, but I didn’t count on being able to do that.

The only time children’s sleep provided the break for me is, very occasionally, in the morning. I would get up earlier, and accomplish some writing while staying close by to the children, ready to join them in bed when they start waking up. If you are a single mother, and if your child doesn’t wake up when you leave the bed, this could be one window of opportunity on a non regular basis.

There were periods that we hired a student or a homeschooling teenager to come daily to play with the youngest (mostly) and do kitchen chores. Whatever we did, we did not consider sleep to be a “baby sitter” to give us time. This forced us to find other solutions. It was not easy, but clearly incredibly satisfying for all, and the only way I would do it again. Of course, if you are a single mother, weigh your priorities carefully and find solutions that nurture you and your child/ren. If your child is actually ready for sleep early, maybe she can fall asleep next to you in the living room and you can study (or other creative solutions.)

I admire your ability to study while being a mother. I could not do it. I think it is possible with the right kind of support and clear planning of your time to study while someone else cares for the children as well as flexibility; jump on the opportunity when it arrises, and be willing to let go when a plan falls apart.

Last but not least: From what I learn repeatedly from parents who use night sleep to gain time for themselves, I learned that it takes a very long to put a child to bed. Going to bed together is so much easier that it takes hardly any time. (Not to mention the emotional wellbeing that spares you time spent on difficult behaviors.) That time gained can be used for your needs while another cares for the children. It can even be the same evening time, while your husband (or another) gets to spend more time with the children.

Parenting is not easy, especially not in the nuclear family. We are just trying to find solutions that are as optimal as possible for the child. I hope you find a path that is kind to you and to your child/ren.

Warmly,
Naomi Aldort

It sounds like you are doing everything you can on the affectional and emotional side. Continue with your loving presence and care. Your baby could be having bad dreams or other fear images or hallucinations. Some babies are too hot at night or, at some point start being annoyed by the physical arrangements, the feel of the diaper, the material of the pajama, the blanket, digestive disturbances etc.
Obviously I cannot figure out what is disturbing your baby’s sleep without speaking with you in person. I also cannot know what you see as “angry.” It could be just a normal phase of waking up a lot to breastfeed as in growth spurts periods.
If something needs care and change, I can perhaps provide some possible directions to explore: After checking the above possibilities, the other main culprit I can think of is food. Even if you have not changed your own (and your baby if she eats) food choices, some agitations that result from food take time to build up a reaction. The most typical culprit are of course coffee, sugar (ever fruit) wheat and soy in your diet. Next are nuts and seeds. If you eat a lot of those, specially without soaking them first, your daughter may react by waking up frequently and could simply be annoyed with the fact that she wakes up. Other things to check are physical comfort, temperature, what she is exposed to during the day (any scary faces, voices, images…) or events and experiences during the day.
No matter how well a baby/child sleeps, I highly recommend to spend bedtime unleashing emotions and energy before settling down to breastfeed and calm down.

With care,
Naomi Aldort