Comments on: Why Ask Permission to Touch the Baby?

By: Kayeza St Felix

Kayeza St Felix — Sat, 29 Sep 2012 13:22:13 +0000

When I first read the title of the article, I thought it was about touching a baby in general. It’s not, and it’s ok too because the baby massage subject is interesting.
Still, I would like to mention touching in general. As a potential future mother (I’ve been reading about AP for a couple of years now) I’d like to make people around me aware of the fact that touching is not a neutral act/gesture. Some people like it, some don’t, the same goes for babies and I think it should be respected. When I see people on the street pinching the cheeks of an unknown round-faced baby (I was pretty round-faced as a child…), just because they think she’s cute, I feel like asking them “Would you do that to just anybody on the street ?”. Maybe it’s a cultural thing too (I’m French). But for me it falls into the same category as “babies don’t understand”… Sorry if I’m drifting away from the topic…

By: The Attached Family

The Attached Family — Thu, 27 Sep 2012 11:26:46 +0000

With any reprint requests, the Editor will email you privately.

By: leonie de mearns

leonie de mearns — Thu, 27 Sep 2012 11:24:12 +0000

Hello, I would really love to be able to print out this beautifully written piece so I can share it with the mums in my class. Is this a possibility?

By: janetlansbury

janetlansbury — Sun, 23 Sep 2012 00:40:59 +0000

Suzanne, we can agree to disagree about the importance of verbal communication with babies. Talking to a baby about what will happen to her body is *always* the ideal and most appropriate action, whenever that is possible…and for most people (in most situations) it is. As a society, we just aren’t used to treating babies this way.

So, yes, I realize that respectful communication with pre-verbal children is not yet the norm, but I strongly recommend trying it. This approach has been life changing for those of us who practice it…and certainly something every child care educator should recommend.

By: Suzanne P Reese

Suzanne P Reese — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 06:52:00 +0000

Hello Janet, Thank you so much for such supportive comments. In an effort to clear up any misunderstanding, I offer the option to communicate non-verbally, because there are times when asking non-verbally is appropriate. So much can be conveyed non-verbally, and parents should not have to feel like every time they ask their baby for consent to commence this mutual exchange, that they must ask out loud. Baby massage is part of the dyadic dance where both partners are becoming more attuned to the other, and it is in these subtle exchanges that, sometimes, profound communication occurs.

There are special situations where there might be a hearing impairment, a language barrier or a challenge in verbal language skills where non-verbal communication is key. A non-verbal approach, where the consent is communicated on a visceral or energetic level can be appropriate and effective.

We cannot know every single situation each family is in and what freedoms or limitations they may or may not have. For that reason, the way we teach infant massage, including the actual strokes and the baby-lead approach, is always presented in a way that can serve all families and babies.

Again, thank you for your support. It is very much acknowledged and appreciated.

By: Magdalena S. Palencia

Magdalena S. Palencia — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 04:17:09 +0000

Thank you for this. It is very important for this topic to be addressed until it is more broadly understood that children are never too young to get the same respect in communication as any other person.

By: janetlansbury

janetlansbury — Sun, 16 Sep 2012 18:57:09 +0000

Suzanne, thank your for this beautifully written post about an extremely important subject. Two-way communication with babies is an integral element of the child care approach I teach and share about on my blog (Magda Gerber’s RIE approach). My blog is often criticized in Attachment Parenting circles as being “over the top” because I recommend communicating with babies from the beginning as we would another “real” and whole person. So, I’m thrilled to see a professional within API recommending this!

I would add that our descriptive words are even more important when babies don’t have a “choice”, for example, “I’m going to pick you up now. And now I’m going to place you on the changing table. Can you lift your arm and place it through this sleeve? Oh, this wipe is going to be a little cold. Here it comes.” Babies deserve this respect.

I would also argue that it *is* important to get into the habit of saying the words out loud. (Yes, it feels odd at first.) This not only ensures we will remember to be respectful, it is also the most brilliant way for our children to learn the language we want them to learn. Children learn best when it is meaningful to them…and there is nothing more meaningful to babies that what is *happening* in their world and to their bodies.

Thanks again for expressing this idea so well in the context of infant massage… I truly hope this will someday be common knowledge and the way we interact with babies, period.