Comments on: What To Do When You Crave a “Mommy Time-Out”

By: Mothering with High Expectations | Black. Bunched. Mass. Mom.

Mothering with High Expectations | Black. Bunched. Mass. Mom. — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 19:36:13 +0000

[...] then I ran across this crazy article and I was like whoa. The thesis? Mommy “me-time” is an unreasonable expectation for [...]

By: Recipe for resentment? Check! « Swoon

Recipe for resentment? Check! « Swoon — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 21:04:53 +0000

[...] of the moms on a list serve I subscribe to sent this article, wondering what others thought of it. This list serve is an “alternative” parenting [...]

By: Chaley-Ann Scott

Chaley-Ann Scott — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 20:44:15 +0000

Thanks for all your comments everyone. I just wanted to clarify some important points. I am not advocating ignoring your own needs ahead of your children’s. I do think it is good for a mother to put her own needs behind her children’s but not ignore them completely. I really, however, do not think the two have to be at odds ie mom’s needs vs child’s needs. That is adversarial. ‘Us’ and ‘Them’. It doesn’t have to be that way, but to see that one has to do the work inside themselves. It’s a mind-shift. Taking care of yourself can be done right with your children, and even with little ones there are lots and lots of opportunities to snatch a moment to yourself if that is what you need. Some people here have said it isn’t healthy to not have time away from your kids – to exercise, meet friends, read. I think this is hyperbole. If you enjoy being exerting physical energy there is plenty of opportunity to do that with kids. Want to socialize? Again, plenty of opportunities for that with young kids. Read? Bit trickier, but in small snatches of time it can be done. When children know that you want to be with them, you aren’t craving time away, and you are fully present then time with them becomes far more joyful. Chaley.

By: Laura

Laura — Sun, 20 Jan 2013 06:57:35 +0000

This article was a breath of relief. I do often have moments of craving that ‘me’ time, but it exists as a wish I don’t really want to fulfill. I don’t express it because I hear from people in my life all the time about how I’m supposed to go away and take time for myself, as if I can’t do both things (being a mama and also taking care of myself) at the same time. I already have to work full time, and those are hours away from her that, while overflowing with productivity, are ones I’d ultimately rather spend with her. I don’t wish to waste any others away from her. I am so aware that in a few short months or years my girl will decide she’s more interested in other people and other places, and I’ll long for these days. I’ve learned to be so efficient that one day, I’ll have more ‘me’ time than I could ever know what to do with. I find there’s nothing more healing, more fulfilling, more satisfying to all my needs than a hug from her. I am grateful to read something that affirms that I’m not crazy, that I can choose what feels right for me – and that I’m not alone in that choice.

By: Jill

Jill — Sun, 20 Jan 2013 04:25:58 +0000

Wow! As Mom of a 2 year-old this concept has dawned on me in in the form of “it only makes it worse when my time is over.” Sometimes we simply “loose our groove” and it is the re-connection that resolves the desire for a “Mommy time out.” There isn’t a single person in my life that gets it. Thank you for verbalizing it so well.

By: API Article | Spectacular Balance: A state of mind

API Article | Spectacular Balance: A state of mind — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 06:10:21 +0000

[...] API Article [...]

By: Kate

Kate — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 05:19:49 +0000

Yes, too all or nothing. It is good advice if you don’t have the option of having a break but for me having my husband take over for a while gives him time with our baby, my baby time with him, and allows me to come back refreshed. My son is not upset by this but happy when I come back after an hour of exercise, a shower, reading etc. I can’t imagine it is good advice for someone who feels overwhelmed unless again, they are currently without the option of a break. Then embracing the moment is a great idea. I think the main problem with this advice is that it ignores individual differences in people’s temperaments and could make someone feel guilty and or inferior in addition to overwhelmed. I think in the Sears attachment parenting books they recommend mommy breaks and for good reason. I also think on traditional cultures relatives would be around for short breaks for mom. I think the spirit of the article is great, but it is not nuanced enough. Things may be that absolute for the author but not for everyone else.

By: Katy Jo

Katy Jo — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 12:11:13 +0000

Shifting our focus from ‘i just have to get out of here/get a break’ (scarcity mentality… Looking at time as being limited/scarce) to acceptance of the present and embracing the moment with our children is very effective and a wonderful lesson for each of us.

And, we also have responsibilities other than parenting, like providing food/a roof/etc.

I believe parenting ‘truths’ can be applied to any parent in any culture whether mother or father and while I see the kernels of wisdom here, I reject this idea as parenting truth.

Balance is essential. Parents can practice healthy attachment parenting a set boundaries which enable them to take care of ALL parenting responsibilities while supporting the attachment of children to respectful, responsible, loving adults. Thus, ‘it takes a village’.

Whether it be a parent who has to work away from kids sometimes to keep a roof over their head (because our nations idea of going into debt to parent is unhealthy and unsustainable) or the nurturance of a parents soul be it meditation, yoga, a solo summit, etc children can be healthfully attached to whomever is responsible for them at the time.

It’s called attachment parenting, not attachment mothering. It’s for ALL to put into practice, not just privileged stay at home moms who have a partner to foot the bills.

Our children need loving presence and connection with their parentS and community.

By: leticia

leticia — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 01:11:03 +0000

I love this too. Love it. I wish people would stop looking for their lives to go back the way they were before they had children, and enjoy every moment they have with their children. What you wrote in the article is exactly the way I feel, it was a gift to see it and read it. Kelley, love your comment too.

By: Kassandra Brown

Kassandra Brown — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 23:38:43 +0000

I took on the point of view that I hear in this article when I had my first child. I was so shocked by what looked, to me, like neglect when I saw very young children left with babysitters so their mom could go out and socialize. I bent over backwards to bring my daughter with me everywhere. I wore her constantly. And it got wearing. I did become resentful and lost the joy of mothering in my responsibilities. I now advocate for more balance. I’ve found that when I start my day with personal practices like yoga, journaling, and meditation I am a MUCH better mother throughout the day. I can’t be my best mothering self (or friend, business owner or partner) unless I take time to recharge and reorient myself. Too much in the direction of ‘me time’ doesn’t work. Too much in the direction of ‘children all the time’ doesn’t work. Balance is trickier but a lot more rewarding.