Spotlight on: Baby Poop

baby poop dust coverLongtime Attachment Parenting International (API) supporter, Linda Folden Palmer, DC, announces her latest book, Baby Poop.

API: Tells us about Baby Poop.

Linda: Babies cannot tell us what symptoms they are feeling or where they are hurting. For the most part, we get smiles or cries, and we get poop. The color, consistency and frequency of a baby’s poop can provide all kinds of diagnostic clues to the child’s well-being.

My book discusses the impacts of many factors on the establishment and maintenance of baby’s flora, describes what kind of poops parent can expect at different ages and diets, explores issues of early weight gain and presents valuable preemie feeding evidence. The book also informs about caring for colic and reflux, and discovering and treating food sensitivities. Current newborn jaundice treatments are frequently contrary to the best research findings. I also provide plenty of information on dealing with constipation and withholding.

There’s more to caring for a sick baby than the 10-minute visit with the doctor. Baby Poop helps parents to know when baby is sick and provides evidence-based care practices for supportive care. I present the science about the use of various over-the-counter drugs with infants and demonstrate the risks attendant with prescribed antibiotics and antacids.

What’s the best way to help a baby with a little gastrointestinal (GI) virus to feel better? Snuggles, empathy and affection, along with good hydration.

There’s much more to be found in Baby Poop.

API: What inspired you to write this book?

Linda: My first book, Baby Matters, became highly popular, and I received many letters and provided many consultations as a result. While Baby Matters (now in its 3rd edition as The Baby Bond) was chiefly intended to present the scientific evidence that supports Attachment Parenting practices, this brings in the topics of feeding, food sensitivities and other infant health issues.

I came to realize that a bulk of questions that I received from parents evolved around infant stooling symptoms and challenges. I also realized that this was an area where parents seemed to be receiving the least amount of good attention from their pediatricians.

Parents have great intuition to know when something is off, but had nowhere to turn for good answers. Besides invasive tests and frequent prescriptions for marginally appropriate medications, parents were not receiving truly helpful assistance toward optimizing the health of their babies.

Having found my GI course in chiropractic school to be quite inspiring, having learned from the many families I provided health consults with over the years, being married to a man with Crohn’s disease whom we keep asymptomatic without drugs, and giving birth to one of the most poop-challenged children I’ve known, I had the background and drive to bring the evidence and my gained knowledge together in one useful text.

API: How will this book benefit other families?

Linda: To me, a big part of Attachment Parenting is seeking to provide the best comfort possible for a baby. Beyond this, taking efforts to optimize a child’s health provides future comfort via reduction in future diseases.

Rather than the common advice to parents to just tolerate colicky cries and to medicate reflux or diarrhea symptoms, Baby Poop gives parents the tools to get to the bottom of such conditions and heal them. I bring the current science on reducing risks for and treating autism. Parents also gain the tools to recognize many health conditions long before they may have otherwise become medically acknowledged.

API: Is there any special message you have for parents of infants about the long-term importance of the gut microbiome?

Linda: Microbiome research is huge today — and it’s about time! It’s incredible what long-term gut health affects can result from a choice over home or hospital birth, small or large facility, scheduled C-section or natural birth, immediate or delayed latch to breast, formula supplements or not, or from supplementing preemies with artificial versus human milk-derived fortifiers.

Even if everything goes as planned toward seeking a healthier flora establishment, over-prescription of antibiotic drugs to young children can set the microbiome health back for years or even for life.

Gut health not only affects the number of GI infections a child endures, but it provides the basis for the absorption of nutrients, for inflammation control and for immune system effectiveness. It even affects the brain. Risks for the later development of asthma, autism, autoimmune disorders, diabetes and inflammatory bowel disease are all impacted by early gut health.

There are so many instances where parenting choices can have strong influences on the future health of a child. There are also many ways in which parents can make up for the effects from circumstances that were beyond their control.

API: What are your views of API? How does your book fit within API’s mission statement?

Linda: I found my first Attachment Parenting support group 20 years ago when I was struggling with many conflicts between my own parenting instincts and the baby care advice directed at me from so many others. API helped to give me the permission I needed to follow my heart when it came to caring affectionately for my baby. Back then, following evidence-based natural parenting principles was in great conflict with mainstream pediatric advice. It still is today — although to a lesser degree thanks in large part to the work of API.

Baby Poop gives parents the science-based tools they need to make their own educated decisions about their baby’s feeding and basic healthcare, in effort to optimize the long-term health, and thus happiness, of their child.

API: Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Linda: In researching all the various aspects of infant care surrounding infant gut health, I learned all over again that the science supports natural parenting choices.

API: Where can people find more information about your book or your work?

Linda: I offer many infant health and parenting articles on my website at BabyReference.com. Also follow my Facebook pages: Baby Poop and The Baby Bond: Baby Matters.

Baby Poop is available on Amazon or wherever books are sold.

A limited number of books will soon be available for purchase in the API Store.

Spotlight on: “Best Relationship with Your Child” DVD series

first five DVDBritish child psychologist and psychotherapist Dr. Margot Sunderland’s “Best Relationship with Your Child” DVD series explores parenting strategies to strengthen the parent-child relationship.

API: Tell us about your DVD series.

Margot: The 3 films in the “Best Relationship with your Child” series are designed to equip 5 to 12 DVDparents with tools, skills and practical ideas to strengthen their attachment relationship with their child. Using the latest neuroscience research and illustrated throughout with delightful footage of parent-child quality time, the films will support parent-child relationships in amazing ways. All the communicative tools and ideas for attachment play are designed to enhance both bonding and the child’s brain development — not only enriching parent- child creative Q DVDrelationships now, but as an investment for life.

The films in the “Best Relationship with your Child” series are:

  1. “The First Five Years”
  2. “Creative Quality Time”
  3.  “Age Five to Twelve.”

API: What inspired you to create this resource?

Margot: I was all too aware that there is so much out there on how to get children to behave, but actually very little on how to enhance parent-child relationships on a day-to-day basis. And recent studies have shown that parents want so much more than just advice on effective discipline. They want to know how to have the best possible relationship with their child. So I wanted to provide a resource, which would give parents a huge menu of ideas for lovely ways of connecting with their child, particularly through attachment play.

Over 17 years, I had also carried out a meta-analysis of research on the long-term impact of positive parent-child interactions on the child’s developing brain in my book, The Science of Parenting. As a result of this, I wanted to communicate to parents how attachment play is key for healthy brain development and long-term mental health. So I talk about this on the DVDs, too, using accessible language and images of course.

API: How will this DVD series benefit other families?

Margot: With all the pressures of being a modern-day parent, it’s clear that keeping up with daily quality time can be a struggle for many parents in all sorts of ways, particularly with the over-5s. Here are some key statistics:

  • 2/3 of communication between parent and child is about daily routine.
  • Over 1/3 of parents think they don’t spend enough time with their children.
  • Over 1/2 of parents say they only play with their children occasionally, 1/3 say they simply don’t have the time to play, and 1 in 6 fathers say they do not know how to play with their child.

Then there is the allure of technology, with so many parents concerned nowadays that their children would prefer to communicate with their mobile phone rather than with their family! Statistics show that 1/3 of parents and their children use devices at the dinner table, by the way.

So parents can use the DVDs to give themselves a rich menu of ideas for lovely and novel ways of quality relational moments with their child. This is particularly true for parents who are feeling disheartened or lacking ideas of how to engage or re-engage their child in the delights of parent-child quality time. Children love the attachment play games, and having watched the DVDs, parents often say they feel a new lease of life and a confidence in relating to their children playfully, in ways that really deepen their relationship

API: Is there any special message you have for parents who question that playing with their child is important?

Margot: Parent-child attachment play isn’t just a nice thing in the moment. If you do some every day, even for a short time, you are both investing in the health of your relationship long-term and enhancing your child’s brain development — especially emotional and social intelligence, all backed by research.

I would say, try to aim for at least 1 hour of quality time a day with your child. But this can be made up of separate quality moments spread out through the day, rather than just one big block of 60 minutes. I think it’s more powerful that way.

API: What are your views of Attachment Parenting International (API)? How does your DVD series fit within API’s mission statement?

Margot: I am passionate about Attachment Parenting International and its dissemination of such vital information about the importance of strengthening emotional bonds between parent and child, for both self and society.

The DVDs work within API’s mission statement in that they are designed to support secure attachment between a parent and child through demonstrating a whole host of attuned emotionally responsive parenting interactions, using key communicative techniques and attachment play.

API: Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Margot: As a parent myself, I know all too well that with all the endless tasks of being a parent, the washing, preparing meals and the rushing off to school or nursery, special together times can all too easily take a back seat. I have learned a lot with my own children, about how the guilt of not spending enough time with them can be alleviated so much with little but regular moments of playful connection throughout the day. You can see their eyes light up and the messages they get when our eyes meet in some playful exchange: “I delight in you,” “I delight in being with you,” “You are delightful.”

So hence through the DVDs, it has been a pleasure to share with parents a resource that will hopefully bring them and their children endless moments of real connectedness.

API: Where can people find more information about this resource or your work?

Margot:  On my website or through the work of The Centre for Child Mental Health in London, UK.

The DVD series is also available for rental/download at:

A limited number of DVDs are also available for purchase in the API Store.

Spotlight on: Parenting with Patience

parenting with patienceParenting with Patience by Judy Arnall details three steps parents can take to ease the process of moving away from using punishments to practicing positive discipline.

API: Tell us about your book.

Judy: Parenting With Patience normalizes parent and child anger, and proposes a simple three-step model to manage frustration and improve relationships. The book walks parents through a single incident of deliberate disobedience — because that is when most parents feel angry and really want to punish, whether they believe in it or not! — and shows how the three simple steps work. The three steps are:

  1. The parent gets calm first through timeout for the parent, not the child.
  2. The parent helps get the child calm through time-in.
  3. The parent and child work through the issue with collaborative problem-solving and time together.

Throughout the three steps, the book describes the three kinds of stresses every person faces, and the effects on brain development, as well as the five parenting styles, and the eight benefits and eight challenges of each temperament characteristic — yes, there are challenges to parenting an “easy” child.

The book also has a cut-out section of 70 calm-down tools useful for parents and children in the moment of anger. It has a massive section on what children are capable of socially, physically, emotionally and cognitively from babies to teens so that parents have realistic expectations for their children. It is full of practical tools of “what to do” and statements of “what to say” in the
moment of anger — for playgroup altercations, sibling anger, toddler tantrums, teen anger, school-aged attitude, partner anger and our own anger. It gives suggestions on how to word assertive “I-statements.”

The bonus is that anyone can read it in a day.

API: What inspired you to write the book?

Judy: When I wrote Discipline Without Distress, people loved the book because of its focus on guiding behavior of babies to teens with truly non-punitive strategies — not only no spanking or other physical punishments but also no timeouts, logical consequences or taking away possessions. It was translated into five languages. As a mom of five children who are now ages 13 to 23 — three currently at university — and a parent educator for the past 17 years, I discovered a lot of tips and tricks to help make family life more fun, caring and connected while getting through the daily grind. Although I never was a spanker, I did use timeouts and logical consequences and eventually dropped all of these punishments by the time my oldest son was 10. I was facilitating parent groups and compiled a lot of parent ideas for gaining cooperation into the Discipline Without Distress book.

The problem was that the parents and I found that positive discipline was fine with a calm brain — anyone could do it when calm — but it was much harder to do with a stressed and angry brain, even when one truly believed in non-punitive, gentle discipline.

I was also single parenting at the time, because my partner was away at work a lot. I thought that a companion book about Parenting With Patience,  loaded with ideas about handling stress, would be beneficial to parents because anger is a normal, healthy emotion. I found that parents were most at a loss in handling their children’s anger — at all ages, from toddlers to teens — respectfully and assertively in a way so that both of them win.

Helping children manage their anger without punishment is critical, because it determines their adult life success in jobs, relationships and happiness.

API: How will this book benefit other families?

Judy: Even if parents just take the first step, which is getting ourselves calm enough to think logically rather than emotionally, then family life will improve. The book provides at least 70 things to do in order to get calm.

The book also busts several parenting myths, such as that parents have to deal with things in the moment or toddlers will forget. Parents can take 30 minutes to calm down before they do anything and many strategies can be done with little children underfoot. Toddlers can remember what happened.

A critical section of the book outlines what ages children can do certain things. Parents feel they have to come down hard on the toddler years or behaviors will snowball by the teen years. Again, not true. Brain development is on their side in the later years.

Many “discipline” issues can be resolved with parent knowledge of appropriate development and adjustment of age-appropriate expectations.

API: Is there any special message you have for parents who feel that spanking is an appropriate discipline method for children?

Judy: I totally understand spanking. I felt the urge to spank from the anger arising when my kids deliberately disobeyed me. Non-parents just don’t understand how angry parents can feel with their offspring’s misbehavior.

Anger is a very normal and useful emotion. When we understand that spanking is most often a reaction of our anger, rather than a tool to teach — because we know logically that research shows it doesn’t work in the long run — then we can practice taking a timeout for ourselves a little bit every day. We can replace spanking with collaborative problem-solving if we are calm and help our children get calm first.

The more we do a habit, the more the habits become what we do. The payoff comes when we enjoy our beautiful results: Children who care about us, talk to us, have fun with us and listen to us — as we do for them.

API: What are your views of Attachment Parenting International (API)? How does your book work within API’s mission statement?

Judy: Attachment Parenting International is a much-needed organization to promote healthy child upbringing and provide support for parents for their choices.

When the Internet was born, a few like-minded parents and I started Attachment Parenting Canada (APCA) two years after API was founded. Canada is a very progressive country, parenting-wise, and most of the health organizations align with API’s Eight Principles of Parenting. We feel that API’s Eight Principles of Parenting are a wonderful framework to guide parenting decisions, and they are inclusive enough for everyone who has a desire to be a little more skilled in their parenting. No parent is perfect, and we can all work within API’s Eight Principles of Parenting.

Parenting With Patience addresses API’s Eight Principles of Parenting in its three-step model. The first step promotes API’s Eighth Principle of Parenting of taking care of ourselves.  The second step of helping our children with their anger promotes API’s Third Principle of Parenting of responding with sensitivity. The third step of collaborative problem-solving involves API’s Seventh Principle of Parenting of positive, non-punitive discipline.

API: Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Judy: Every new day is a gift for us to begin again. Patience takes practice, and we can gain more by taking little baby steps. We can’t change the past, but we can start today. Every time we refrain from yelling is a gift for our children. Children are very forgiving, and you will love the fun, laughter, caring and joy of the school-aged and teen years if you drop punishments and begin collaborative problem-solving with them.

First, let’s deal with our frustration. This book will show you how.

API: Where can people find more information about your book or your work?

Judy: To learn more about APCA, visit www.attachmentparenting.ca. We are a nonprofit organization that provides information on API’s Eight Principles of Parenting. We offer free webinars to help readers implement the strategies and steps in the books Parenting With Patience and Discipline Without Distress.

You can also visit my website, www.professionalparenting.ca, which features articles, books, webinars and courses on non-punitive parenting and education practices.

A limited number of books are also available for purchase in the API Store.

API Reads December 2014: Siblings Without Rivalry and Parent Effectiveness Training

downloadJoin the club at API’s online book club held through GoodReads and read along with API’s 500+ other members.

We are continuing to read Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish for the general audience. For the older children genre, we will be finishing up reading Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon.

For Siblings Without Rivalry, we will be reading chapters 3-6 in December. The topics for these chapters will be:

  • Chapter 3: The Perils of Comparisons

  • Chapter 4: Equal is Less

  • Chapter 5: Siblings in Roles

  • Chapter 6: When the Kids Fight

For Parent Effectiveness Training, we will be finishing the book. The topics for these chapters will be on:

  • Chapter 13: Putting the “No-Lose” Method to Work

  • Chapter 14: How to Avoid Being Fired as a Parent

  • Chapter 15: How Parents Can Prevent Conflicts by Modifying Themselves

  • Chapter 16: The Other Parents of Your Children

Our discussions happen on GoodReads, so don’t hesitate to join in the conversation. We read a chapter a week. Sometimes you can’t get through the chapter and yet you’ll find you’ll still be able to participate in the conversation. So come join the other 500+ members who are already part of the conversation!

API Reads November 2014: Siblings Without Rivalry and Parent Effectiveness Training

downloadThere are 500+ members waiting to read and discuss AP-oriented books with you. Are you already one of those members? If not, what are you waiting for?! Join the club at API’s online book club held through GoodReads.

 

 

 

We are now reading Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish for the general audience. For the older children genre we are still reading Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon.

For Siblings Without Rivalry, we will be reading chapters one to three in November. The topics for these chapters will be:
How This Book Came to Be
Author’s Note
Chapter 1: Brothers and Sisters — Past and Present
Chapter 2: Not Til the Bad Feelings Come Out…
Chapter 3: The Perils of Comparisons

For Parent Effectiveness Training, we’ll be reading Chapters 10 to 12. The topics for these chapters will be on:
Chapter 10: Parental Power – Necessary or Justified?
Chapter 11: The “No-Lose” Method for Resolving Conflicts
Chapter 12: Parents’ Fears and Concerns About the “No-Lose” Method

Our discussions happen on GoodReads, so don’t hesitate to join in the conversation. We read a chapter a week and sometimes you can’t get through the chapter and yet you’ll find you’ll still be able to participate in the conversation. So come join the other 500+ members who are already part of the conversation!

 

 

API Reads October 2014: Parenting from the Inside Out and Parent Effectiveness Training

download (1)Have you joined the API Reads movement? If not, now is your time to do so. We are still reading Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel J. Siegel, MD, and Mary Hartzell, MEd for the general audience and for those with children under the school-age years. We will also be reading Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr. Thomas Gordon for those with children who are in the school-age years and above.

 

For Parenting from the Inside Out, in the month of October we will be finishing up the book by reading chapters 7-9. The topics for these chapters will be:

  • Chapter 7 – How We Keep It Together and How We Fall Apart

  • Chapter 8 – How We Disconnect and Reconnect: Rupture and Repair

  • Chapter 9 – How We Develop Mindsight: Compassion and Reflective Dialogues

 

pet imageFor Parent Effectiveness Training, we’ll be reading Chapters 5-9. The topics for these chapters will be:

  • Chapter 5 – How to Listen to Kids Too Young to Talk Much

  • Chapter 6 – How to Talk So Kids Will Listen to You

  • Chapter 7 – Putting I-Messages to Work

  • Chapter 8 – Changing Unacceptable Behavior by Changing the Environment

  • Chapter 9 – Inevitable Parent-Child Conflicts: Who Should Win?

 

Our discussions happen on GoodReads, so don’t hesitate to join in the conversation. We read a chapter a week, and sometimes you can’t get through the chapter and yet you’ll find you’ll still be able to participate in the conversation. So come join the other 500+ members who are already part of the conversation!

 

 

Attachment Parenting International’s (R)Evolution: An interview with cofounders Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker

By Julie Artz, originally published in Summer 2008 issue of API’s newsletter

API-Logo-20th-themeI’ve interviewed some big names in my writing life, so I was surprised at how nervous I felt at the prospect of interviewing Attachment Parenting International’s co-founders, Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker, about the organization’s beginnings, their book on Attachment Parenting (AP), and the challenges of founding and running a not-for-profit organization.

My anxiety couldn’t have been more displaced. Barbara and Lysa, despite their high-profile positions within Attachment Parenting International (API), are a delight to interview and tell an amazing story of how two young mothers–who were also special education teachers–went from having, as Barbara put it, “our own little support group,” to founding a global not-for-profit organization with the vision of helping parents achieve a more compassionate relationship with their children through AP.

JULIE: How did you two meet?

lysaparkerLYSA: Let’s begin at the beginning. Barbara and I met at a La Leche League (LLL) meeting in Nashville, Tennessee, USA, in 1980. She had just moved from Texas, USA, and was a LLL leader applicant. We started talking and found out we had a lot in common. We were both special education teachers, and our husbands were singers/songwriters. Both our husbands were from Texas, so they knew some of the same people. That’s how our friendship began. Because of our friendship, Barbara shared with me what she learned through LLL and was a great support.

I remember worrying about whether or not AP was right when I was a new mother. What if it’s not right? What if I damaged my child? Because we didn’t know anyone who had kids who were APed. It helps to know someone personally who’s been there. Even moms today in our API circles want to talk to people who have raised children this way.

barbaranicholsonBARBARA: The founders of LLL are seven mothers with an average of about five children each and that was one little light at the end of the tunnel–witnessing generations of their families continuing on with what their mothers started. I always tell my boys, “I’m learning on the job,” but at least you see me reading, trying, and that’s all I ask of you is to keep trying and growing. It is wonderful to see so many of our API and LLL friends becoming grandparents and watching their adult children parent in such loving ways. We feel very confident that our sons will be great parents, too!

LYSA: In 1985, we moved to Alabama, USA, due to my husband’s new work. I became a LLL leader in 1986 and went back to teaching in 1990. It was a real culture shock for me, because I’d gone from this world of loving, caring mothers surrounded by babies and young children where everybody is nurturing toward their children and each other. I found myself stuck in a portable classroom with rambunctious seventh- and eighth-grade students with learning disabilities. Many were emotionally disturbed; they were already initiating for gangs, and one student was already a father. I remember looking in their folders and seeing the problems they had in kindergarten and wondering why no one intervened–believing in my heart that AP could have prevented so many of these problems.

BARBARA: I remember thinking as my children got older, “I can’t imagine going back in the classroom knowing what I know.” I would feel like I wasn’t really serving the students if I didn’t promote AP.

I see prevention as the answer. Maybe 10-15% of these special education children had a true learning disability, and the rest of them just needed someone to sit and hold them and read to them and give them attention. Even in the late 1970s when I was teaching, it was hard to find a parent who was taking the time to give their children special attention. Parents wanted the teachers to take care of that for them, and when the children got home from school, they sat in front of the television. And this was surburban America, not high-risk or inner-city schools; it was a middle-class area, not poor.

isabellefoxDr. Isabelle Fox (a member of API’s Advisory Board) has been telling us very similar stories. She started her practice in the late 1950s, worked through the 1990s, and the shift in the culture that she has seen during that time is profound. When she was first a young therapist, the mother usually stayed home with the children. So if something went wrong with a child, the mother could give the therapist information about the background of the child or what might have led to fears or anxieties. In the present day, Dr. Fox said the mothers don’t know what goes on in the child’s life, because they’re in substitute care with many changing caregivers. If it was a nanny, which is what she recommends for substitute care, at least it would be one stable caregiver who would know the child well. But in most situations, it’s not one stable caregiver; it’s a constant rotation, even in the best daycare situation.

JULIE: When did you realize you wanted to found API?

BARBARA: We were reading these great books, like High Risk: Children without a Conscience by Ken Magid. We actually met him later; he was a real catalyst. Then we read For Your Own Good by Alice Miller. All of a sudden, light bulbs were going on about why parents were having such a hard time learning about positive discipline with their own children: because most of us had not been parented that way. You are so deeply imprinted by the way you were treated as a child. Reactions people think of as instinctual would not be the normal reaction if you’d been raised lovingly. That was a huge “ah ha” moment for us.

I subscribed to a journal published by the National Association of Parents and Professionals for Safe Alternatives in Childbirth (NAPPSAC), and the publishers, Lee and David Stewart, had reviewed Alice Miller’s book. So there was this explosion of ideas in the late 1980s. We knew about AP from Dr. William Sears and LLL, but then you have these psychologists giving us the cultural overlay: the punishing culture we live in, that parents only knew what they learned as they were raised.

LYSA: If we had learned about Attachment Theory in college, we didn’t remember, so we’d go to the library and it was like a treasure hunt. We found out about Dr. John Bowlby (known as the “Father of Attachment Theory”) and Dr. James Clark Moloney.

“Attachment Parenting is in many ways the practical application of my father’s [John Bowlby] theory.” ~ Sir Richard Bowlby Bt, Attached at the Heart

richardbowlbyMeet Sir Richard Bowlby Bt, advocate, lecturer, member of API’s Advisory Board and speaker at the 2014 API Conference on September 27 at Notre Dame University in South Bend, Indiana, USA. Richard Bowlby, the son of Dr. John Bowlby who first developed Attachment Theory, worked as a scientific photographer in various medical research institutions where he produced visual aids for communicating research findings.

He retired in 1999 to promote a wider understanding of Attachment Theory to healthcare practitioners and interested lay people. His present concern is the psychological impact on babies and toddlers being cared for by unfamiliar people in day care who do not develop long-term secondary attachment bonds to one caregiver. He also gives lectures to a wide range of health care professionals using video material and personal insights to promote a much broader understanding of his father’s work on attachment theory. He focuses on wider audiences using video material to help communicate the emotional significance of Attachment Theory, a potentially dry academic subject with very personally challenging significance.

He supports a range of organizations that address various attachment issues and is seeking ways to help the general public benefit from a better understanding of childhood attachment relationships. His eventual goal is to find ways of “crossing the species barrier” between academics and the general public, to liberate the professional knowledge of Attachment Theory into the population at large. He is developing a broader knowledge of associated subjects, especially the emerging research about the role of fathers and the long-term significance of their early relationships with their children.

We got photocopies of a book of Dr. Moloney’s from Susan Switzer, an LLL leader in Georgia, USA. Dr. Moloney was a psychiatrist who had been sent to Okinawa right after World War II as part of a team processing folks who had suffered greatly during the war. He found that, in spite of everything that had happened to them, they had happy dispositions. They weren’t bitter but were resilient, kind, calm, and it piqued his curiosity. He observed them, and what he found was that their parenting created a culture of compassion. Moloney called it “permissive parenting” at the time, where the child is the sole occupation of the mother for the first two years, then the siblings become part of the care of the child. Okinawan parents were very respectful of the children, contrary to what he had observed in the United States. He came back to the United States to work with the Cornelian Corner (a group of progressive pediatricians at Wayne State University) and started teaching American parents how to parent like the Okinawans. Even though the program wasn’t considered a success, it ultimately had its influence through Moloney’s association with LLL International.

So then we started scheming: What can we do? We wanted to start an organization.

BARBARA: So we wrote a letter to Dr. Elliot Barker, who founded the Canadian Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (CSPCC), asking if we could found an American chapter. He had given a talk at a LLL conference that was
reprinted in Mothering (magazine). The day I moved into this house, October 1, 1992, we got the phone plugged in and it rang. It was Dr. Barker calling from Canada. I had to go hide in a closet and try to sound professional. I dropped everything to talk to him, while people were carrying in boxes downstairs. I thought he was going to tell me how to join, but actually he told us if he had it to do over again, he would do so much more than just publishing Empathic Parenting (the CSPCC’s quarterly journal published from 1978-2003). He mentored us from then on and told us to use a grassroots approach. It will start slow and it will build, he said, but that’s what’s going to change the culture.

LYSA: Dr. Barker emphasized having a strong mission and a strong vision, because he’d seen organizations get watered down over time and ultimately fold because they didn’t stay true to their mission. He wrote letters to important people asking them to send letters of endorsement, which they did, and suggested forming a strong advisory board of well-known experts. Thanks to Dr. Barker, we believe we found our spiritual calling: He made us feel that this is what
we were meant to do.

Our very first website was created in 1995 by a computer lab teacher at my school. This website became the open door to parents around the world. In 1997, we were contacted by some AP moms in Seattle, Washington, USA, who wanted to start an API group. We asked them to help us pioneer the support group model for us, which they agreed to take on, and they helped us come up with our very first support group materials.

BARBARA: About that time, we hired our first employee: fellow LLL Leader Zan Buckner, who started out just doing filing and then helped us so much with our early materials. We had a wonderful group of LLL friends who wanted to expand their horizons. They were excellent parenting resources. At the conferences, you could really expand on the philosophy of LLL and move into AP, and that’s where we heard so many fantastic speakers. So many LLL leaders were ready to do more, so they joined us.

Our first LLL conference as co-founders of API was in Indianapolis, Indiana, USA, with our exhibit that looked like a science fair project: a cardboard, three-sided exhibit with magazine cutouts. We’ll always be school teachers at heart!

API returns to Indiana…Make plans to attend the 2014 API Conference on September 26 at Notre Dame University in South Bend, Indiana! Registration is only $75 for a day packed with AP speakers and fun family activities

One of the founders of LLL, and their new executive director was there. They were so supportive of what we were doing. Since then, we have met every founder, and they have all said they wish they could have done what we were doing–expand their mission into parenting. There wouldn’t be API without the experience of breastfeeding our babies–learning to trust our bodies and ourselves as parents. Some of us were the first generation in several generations to breastfeed.

JULIE: Can you talk a little bit about the struggles of founding a not-for-profit?

LYSA: Every time we’ve gotten to the point where we were about to give up because we didn’t have enough money or resources or we were burned out, someone or something has come along and helped us out. What we’re going through right now is proof of that. If it’s meant to be, it will survive. It’s a constant miracle in our lives to see how API keeps hanging in there.

To us, it’s so important and nourishing to hear from parents and professionals. We’ve talked to people who knew John Bowlby, and they’ve said he would be proud of what we’re doing. His quote that I love is: “If a community cares for its children, it must cherish its parents.” He held support groups for parents when he was practicing medicine at the Tavistock Clinic in London. What an inspiration!

JULIE: And in 2007, you turned over API’s day-to-day operations to a small volunteer staff to work on a book about Attachment Parenting.

Attached at the HeartLYSA: The book, Attached at the Heart, is a culmination of the last 20 or more years since we had our first conversations about wanting to help children and parents. In our book, we paint the big picture and give the reader the reasons why AP is important, as well as the principles and the research to support those reasons. We’re different than most parenting books; we want to give parents the researched information and empower them to make their own informed decisions.

BARBARA: The other important message of our book is the title: Attached at the Heart. We want people to trust their heart when all else fails. When it’s the middle of the night and the baby’s crying, and the pediatrician and the mother-in-law have both said to let the baby cry, we want parents to trust their instincts. Instead of worrying, “Is my baby going to be messed up if I hold her for 15 more minutes?”, we want them to trust their heart. Mothers wouldn’t be in a cold
sweat or crying when their children were hurting, if they instinctively knew to always default to the most loving, connected thing to do.

We really wanted to have something about nurturing, or connection, in the title to capture all of these philosophical concepts we’ve been talking about.

JULIE: A lot of the philosophies you’ve discussed fault what you called a “punishing culture.” How do you go about changing culture to something more AP-focused?

LYSA: You can’t change generations of behaviors in one generation, but you can begin the change. So often, AP is blamed for troubles in a relationship or with children. But really, it has to do with the individual and collective experiences we bring to a relationship. You’ve got to raise your consciousness about yourself so that you’re more conscious with your children. Our children are grown now, but we’re still working on this with them and will be with our grandchildren.

BARBARA: Sometimes we hear of parents who say their own parents stayed together for the children, but did not work on the issues in their marriage. The children were so emotionally damaged, because they had absorbed the dysfunction in their family. They had been given a horrible model for a healthy relationship. We’re proud that our book and our organization emphasize how important it is for couples to model positive, loving interactions and ideally to work on their issues as a couple before they become parents.

LYSA: In the last 15 years, we can say without a doubt that we have seen the cultural shift begin, and AP is becoming more mainstream. It’s reflected in the media with celebrity parents in magazines wearing their babies, talking about breastfeeding and cosleeping; in television and movies where babies are worn in slings or carriers are a normal part of the scenery or with plots that include issues that are AP-oriented. AP businesses have popped up all over the Internet;
people from all over the world contact AP for advice and resources.

BARBARA: We dream of the day when the term “Attachment Parenting” is just “parenting,” and our organization isn’t needed anymore! Until then, we hope the parents who are out there setting such a good example in their communities will continue to nurture their children and each other, family by family creating a more compassionate world.

API Reads September 2014: Parenting from the Inside Out and Parent Effectiveness Training

This is an exciting month for API Reads in which you, the reader, get to choose which direction you’ll go in your reading.

We are still reading Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel J. Siegel, MD, and Mary Hartzell for the general audience and for those with children under the school-age years. We will also be reading Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon for those with children who are in the school-age years and above.

For Parenting from the Inside Outwe have read the Introduction, Chapter 1 and Chapter 2. For the month of September we will be reading Chapters 3 to 6. The topics for these chapters will be:

  • Chapter 3 – How We Feel: Emotion in Our Internal and Interpersonal Worlds

  • Chapter 4 – How We Communicate: Making Connections

  • Chapter 5 – How We Attach: Relationships Between Children and Parents

  • Chapter 6 – How We Make Sense of Our Lives: Adult Attachment

 

For Parent Effectiveness Trainingwe’ll be reading Chapters 1 to 4. The topics for these chapters will be:

  • Chapter 1 – Parents Are Blamed but Not Trained

  • Chapter 2 – Parents Are Persons, Not Gods

  • Chapter 3 – How to Listen So Kids Will Talk to You: The Language of Acceptance

  • Chapter 4 – Putting Your Active Listening Skill to Work

Our discussions happen on GoodReads,  so don’t hesitate to join in the conversation. We read a chapter a week, and sometimes you can’t get through the chapter and yet may find that you will still be able to participate in the conversation. So come join the other 400+ members who are already part of the conversation!

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World Breastfeeding Week 2014: Parent Support Deserts in the USA

By Rita Brhel, Editor of Attached Family magazine, API’s Publications Coordinator

World Breastfeeding Week 2014What this year’s celebration of World Breastfeeding Week is really about—more than updating the status on breastfeeding acceptance or increasing understanding for mothers who are unable to breastfeed—is advocacy for parent support.

While the primary goal of Attachment Parenting International (API) is to raise awareness of the importance of a secure parent-child attachment, the organization’s overarching strategy is to provide research-backed information in an environment of respect, empathy and compassion in order to support parents in making decisions for their families and to create support environments in their communities. API extends beyond attachment education, also promoting the best practices in all aspects of parenting from pregnancy and childbirth to infant feeding and nurturing touch to sleep and discipline to personal balance and self-improvement through such innovative programs as API Support Groups, the API Reads book club and the Journal of Attachment Parenting, just to name a few.

API is a parent support organization made up of parents located around the world with a deep desire to support other parents.

Parent Support Deserts

In this spirit, API created the Parent Support Deserts project through which we mapped gaps in local parent support opportunities specific to Attachment Parenting (AP). The goals of this multi-layered project are to identify communities, regions and nations in need of conscious-minded parent support and to encourage collaboration among like-minded organizations to address these gaps.

The first part of the project was identifying key nations of the world that we feel would ideally have organized, like-minded parent support options available. We focused on developed countries, because societal advance encourages separation from the natural world, including biologically instinctual ways of living and relating to one another, as is reflected in family structure and mainstream parenting philosophies. Industrialized nations lead the world in ideas and developing, and less-industrialized and underdeveloped nations tend look to these societies for guidance. We used the World Bank’s list of Developed Countries and Territories. All of the nations included in the project are defined as high-income economies as determined by Gross National Product, per-capita income, level of industrialization, widespread technological infrastructure and high standards of living.

The second part of the project was identifying key parent support organizations. We were looking for representative organizations with local support groups or classes with an approach to parent support that closely matches that of API—advocating for conscious, informed parenting choices that challenge the status quo:

  • Attachment Parenting International
  • Babywearing International
  • Holistic Moms Network
  • International Association of Infant Massage
  • International Cesarean Awareness Network
  • La Leche League International
  • Pathways Connect

API recognizes that there are myriad local parent support opportunities in many communities that are not affiliated with these key parent support organizations, such as peer counselors, professionals, groups and classes available through hospitals, clinics, faith-based organizations, schools, etc. and that some of these may be quality, AP-minded programs. We appreciate this and welcome these independent programs to nominate themselves for inclusion in the Parent Support Deserts project through rita@attachmentparenting.org.

We have a bias toward local support groups because the research validates the importance of a parenting support network. This may be provided through family, friends, coworkers and others in an informal way, but a community of like-minded parents is an empowering environment for parents learning about and growing in their parenting approach.

It is to be noted that not all communities identified as having a parent support option may have an active local support group at any one time, as some local leaders hold groups while others, depending on their own life stage or lack of interest from the community, opt not to lead a group but to remain available for one-on-one support. What was important in mapping communities was identifying those with an active parent support leader affiliated with one of the key parent support organizations who is either leading a group or class, or is available to provide support in this way should the interest from parents arise.

It is also to be noted that local support groups or classes unaffiliated with API may provide varying degrees of AP education that may or may not be aligned with API’s Eight Principles of Parenting. However, each of these representative organizations promote an environment that empowers parents in finding their own path for intentional parenting.

The third part of the project is dissecting each nation into both parent support deserts as well as oases. The first nation we are focusing on is the United States.

Future steps include cross-examining data according to risk factors such as areas with low breastfeeding rates, high infant mortality, high Cesarean rates and other aspects of public health, as well as creating maps to illustrate parent support deserts and oases, and inviting discussion among the AP community in how to address gaps in parent support.

Infant-Feeding Parent Support Deserts

Local parent support for breastfeeding has grown at an astonishing rate since La Leche League (LLL) International was founded in Illinois, USA, in 1956. LLL groups are located worldwide in nearly all developed nations as well as other less-developed countries. LLL has expanded its resources as cultures have evolved with technology and the changing roles for mothers, assisting mothers in providing breast milk to their infants whether through exclusive or partial breastfeeding or pumping as needed.

As research pours in on the benefits of breast milk and breastfeeding, evidence continues to point toward AP practices, such as using fewer interventions during childbirth, avoiding early mother-baby separation, rooming-in at the hospital, breastfeeding on demand, interpreting pre-cry hunger signals, encouraging skin-to-skin contact, room sharing, discouraging cry-it-out sleep training, helping the father in supporting the mother, and others. As a result, the vast support network that many communities now have for breastfeeding mothers—from a breastfeeding-friendly medical community to lactation consultants and peer counselors to doulas and childbirth educators and parent educators trained in lactation support—tend to direct breastfeeding mothers toward Attachment Parenting.

By contrast, there are few organized AP-minded support opportunities for mothers who are unable to or choose not to breastfeed or feed expressed breast milk. Formula-feeding parents are relatively on their own in terms of finding support that rightly points them in the direction of Attachment Parenting, as this choice or necessity to bottle-feed exclusively is seen less as part of the relationship context and more solely a nutritive option—though certainly we know, and research in sensitive responsiveness is finding, the behaviors surrounding bottle feeding are as much a part of the parent-child relationship as is breastfeeding. Unlike breastfeeding support, formula-feeding support is much less cohesive, with some information sources putting forth questionable science regarding formula versus breastfeeding benefits.

This gap in support provides an opportunity for API Support Groups and other like-minded organizations to offer acceptance, validation and support in AP practices to non-breastfeeding mothers. One program in the United States that does this is the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children (WIC), putting as much attention on formula-feeding mothers as those who choose to breastfeed.

For this introductory look at the Parent Support Deserts project, we examined locations of parent support groups in terms of infant-feeding in the Attachment Parenting context. We focused on LLL for breastfeeding support and API for both breastfeeding and formula-feeding support. Specifically, we were looking at:

  • Unsupported Key Communities = Communities of 100,000 or more, or state capitals, without either an LLL or an API presence.
  • Undersupported Key Communities = Communities of 100,000 or more, or state capitals, with either an LLL or an API presence, but not both.
  • Notable Communities = Communities of any population with both an API and LLL presence as well as other Attachment Parenting-minded support.

Key communities have a population of at least 100,000 or are state capital cities, because of these communities’ population density and centrality to policymaking and lawmaking.

We recognize that families in less-populated areas are as much in need of support. The Parent Support Desert project has found that LLL’s distribution worldwide and within the United States includes both urban and rural population centers, making LLL unique among like-minded organizations. API considers LLL to be an important partner in the Attachment Parenting movement, not only because of its representative size, reach and longevity but also because the parenting support provided in addition to breastfeeding education is directly in line with that promoted by API.

While this list is in flux, following are state reports of API’s Parent Support Deserts specific to Attachment Parenting infant-feeding support in the United States as spring 2014:

Alabama

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Mobile, Montgomery (capital)
  • Notable Communities: Huntsville-Madison

Alaska

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Anchorage, Juneau (capital)

Arizona

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Chandler, Gilbert, Mesa, Peoria, Tempe, Scottsdale, Surprise
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Tucson
  • Notable Communities: Phoenix (capital)

Arkansas

  • Notable Communities: Little Rock (capital), Searcy

California

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Anaheim, Carlsbad, Chula Vista, Concord, Corona, Costa Mesa, Daly City, Downey, El Cajon, El Monte, Escondido, Fontana, Fullerton, Garden Grove, Hayward, Huntington Beach, Inglewood, Moreno Valley, Norwalk, Ontario, Palmdale, Pomona, Rancho Cucamonga, Rialto, Richmond, Riverside, Salinas, San Bernardino, Santa Clara, Santa Maria, Sunnyvale, Torrance, Vallejo, Victorville
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Bakersfield, Burbank-Glendale, Elk Grove, Fairfield, Fremont, Humboldt, Lancaster/Antelope Valley, Marin, Modesto, Oakland-Berkeley, Oceanside, Oxnard, Pasadena, Pittsburgh-Antioch, Roseville-Citrus Heights, San Jose, Santa Clarita, Santa Rosa, Simi Valley, Stockton, Temecula-Murrieta, Thousand Oaks, Tulare-Visalia, Ventura, West Covina
  • Notable Communities: Long Beach, Los Angeles, Monterey, Sacramento (capital), San Diego, San Francisco, Santa Ana/Orange County

Colorado

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Westminster
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Arvada, Aurora, Boulder, Centennial, Colorado Springs, Fort Collins, Lakewood, Pueblo, Thornton
  • Notable Communities: Denver (capital), Parker

Connecticut

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Hartford (capital), Stamford
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Bridgeport, Greenwich-Stamford, New Haven, Southington-New Britain, Waterbury

Delaware

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Dover (capital)

Florida

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Cape Coral, Coral Springs, Hialeah, Miami Gardens, Palm Bay, Pembroke Pines, Pompano Beach, Port St. Lucie, St. Petersburg
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Clearwater, Fort Lauderdale, Gainesville, Hollywood, Miami, Miramar, Orlando, Tallahassee (capital), Tampa
  • Notable Communities: Jacksonville

Georgia

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Athens, Augusta, Columbus, Savannah
  • Notable Communities: Atlanta (capital)

Hawaii

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Honolulu (capital)

Idaho

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Boise (capital)

Illinois

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Elgin, Joliet
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Aurora-Montgomery-Oswego, Peoria, Rockford, Springfield (capital)
  • Notable Communities: Chicago, Naperville

Indiana

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Evansville, Fort Wayne, Indianapolis (capital), South Bend

Iowa

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Cedar Rapids
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Cedar Falls-Waterloo, Quad Cities
  • Notable Communities: Des Moines (capital)

Kansas

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Olathe, Overland Park, Wichita
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Kansa City, Lenexa-Shawnee

Kentucky

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Frankfort (capital)
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Lexington
  • Notable Communities: Louisville

Louisiana

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Shreveport
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Baton Rouge (capital), Lafayette, New Orleans

Maine

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Augusta (capital)

Maryland

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Annapolis (capital), Baltimore, Washington D.C. (nation’s capital)

Massachusetts

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Cambridge, Lowell
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Boston (capital), Worchester

Michigan

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Flint, Sterling Heights
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Ann Arbor, Downriver, Grand Rapids, Lansing (capital), Warren
  • Notable Communities: Detroit, Saginaw

Minnesota

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Bloomington-Richfield, Rochester
  • Notable Communities: Duluth, Minneapolis-St. Paul (capital)

Mississippi

  • Notable Communities: Jackson (capital)

 Missouri

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Independence
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Columbia, Jefferson City (capital), Kansas City, Springfield
  • Notable Communities: St. Louis

Montana

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Billings, Helena (capital)

Nebraska

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Omaha
  • Notable Communities: Lincoln (capital)

Nevada

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Carson City (capital), Henderson, Reno
  • Notable Communities: Las Vegas

New Hampshire

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Manchester/Merrimack Valley
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Concord (capital)

 New Jersey

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Elizabeth, Patterson
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Trenton (capital)

New Mexico

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Albuquerque, Las Cruces, Santa Fe (capital)

New York

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Oyster Bay, Yonkers
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Albany (capital), Bronx, Brooklyn, Buffalo, New York City, Queens, Rochester, Staten Island, Syracuse
  • Notable Communities: Long Island, Manhattan

North Carolina

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Cary, Charlotte, Durham, Fayetteville, Greensboro, High Point, Raleigh (capital), Wilmington, Winston-Salem
  • Notable Communities: Greenville

North Dakota

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Bismarck (capital), Fargo

Ohio

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Akron, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Columbus (capital), Dayton, Toledo

 Oklahoma

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Broken Arrow
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Norman, Oklahoma City (capital), Tulsa

Oregon

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Eugene-Springfield, Gresham, Salem (capital)
  • Notable Communities: Portland

Pennsylvania

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Allentown
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Erie, Harrisburg (capital), Philadelphia
  • Notable Communities: Pittsburgh

Rhode Island

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Providence (capital)

South Carolina

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Charleston, Columbia (capital), Grand Strand

South Dakota

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Pierre (capital), Sioux Falls

Tennessee

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Chattanooga, Clarksville, Memphis, Murfreesboro
  • Notable Communities: Knoxville, Nashville (capital)

Texas

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Abilene, Beaumont, Brownsville, Carrollton, Grand Prairie, Laredo, Mesquite, Midland, Odessa, Richardson, Round Rock
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Amarillo, Arlington, Bryan-College Station, Corpus Christi, Dallas, Denton, El Paso, Fort Worth, Garland, Irving, Killeen, Lubbock, McAllen, Pasadena, Plano, Waco, Wichita Falls
  • Notable Communities: Austin (capital), Houston, McKinney, San Antonio

Utah

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Provo, West Valley City
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Salt Lake City (capital), West Jordan

Vermont

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Montpelier (capital)

Virginia

  • Unsupported Key Communities: Hampton, Newport News
  • Undersupported Key Communities: Alexandria-Arlington County, Chesapeake, Norfolk, Richmond (capital), Virginia Beach
  • Notable Communities: Fredericksburg

 Washington

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Bellevue, Everett, Kennewick-Pasco-Richland, Kent, Olympia (capital), Seattle, Spokane, Tacoma, Vancouver
  • Notable Communities: Port Angeles

West Virginia

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Charleston (capital)

Wisconsin

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Kenosha, Madison (capital), Milwaukee
  • Notable Communities: Green Bay, Oshkosh

Wyoming

  • Undersupported Key Communities: Cheyenne (capital)
You can read more in the double "Voices of Breastfeeding" issue of Attached Family magazine, in which we take a look at the cultural explosion of breastfeeding advocacy as well as the challenges still to overcome in supporting new parents with infant feeding. The magazine is free to API members--and membership in API is free! Visit www.attachmentparenting.org to access your free issue or join API.
You can read more in the double “Voices of Breastfeeding” issue of Attached Family magazine, in which we take a look at the cultural explosion of breastfeeding advocacy as well as the challenges still to overcome in supporting new parents with infant feeding. The magazine is free to API members–and membership in API is free! Visit www.attachmentparenting.org to access your free issue or join API.

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