Tag Archives: boundaries

2. The Infant, 3. The Toddler, 4. The Growing Child, 5. The Adolescent

Where to Draw the Line? Exploring Boundaries, Limits, and Consequences

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By Tamara Parnay

where do you draw the line?“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

~ Serenity Prayer, attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr theologian

A mother was in the kitchen, preparing dinner. Her child came up from behind her and hit her. “Ow!” she called out angrily. “That hurt! I’ll teach you!” She immediately turned and hit her child back. The child cried out in pain and shock. “I’m not going to raise a wild, disrespectful child!”

That child grew up and became a mother. She is now in the kitchen, preparing dinner. Her child comes up from behind her and hits her. “Ow!” she calls out angrily. “That hurt! I’ll teach you!” She immediately turns to hit her child back — but somehow stops herself… Continue reading Where to Draw the Line? Exploring Boundaries, Limits, and Consequences →

Striving for Balance: Personal & Family

Chaos Theory: The Search for Personal Balance Amidst Parenthood

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By Lu Hanessian, author of Let the Baby Drive and member of API’s Board of Directors

**Originally published in the Winter 2006-07 Balance issue of The Journal of API

Lu
Lu

A while back, I hosted a travel show on television. It was a crazy, chaotic time in my life. Traveled so much that I once reached for my seatbelt in a movie theater. Anchored live TV wearing an earpiece in which I could hear the director screaming to producers in the control room when they lost the live satellite feed while I conducted an interview in the studio. Witnessed an industry of smoke and mirrors where the carrot at the end of the stick was designed to be permanently out of reach.

Still, on a good day, I thought I had things pretty much under control.

Then I had a baby – a deeply tender and wise boy who stared long at me the moment he was born as if to say, “Work with me, Ma.” Popular opinion wasn’t popular with him. He urged me to redefine everything I knew. Little did I know, this was a good thing. Continue reading Chaos Theory: The Search for Personal Balance Amidst Parenthood →

Striving for Balance: Personal & Family

Striving for Balance in Family Life

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By Tamara Parnay

**Originally published in the Winter 2006-07 Balance issue of The Journal of API

BalanceMany attachment parents say that the API Principle, Striving for Personal and Family Balance, is the cornerstone of Attachment Parenting (AP). We tend to be less emotionally responsive when we are struggling to achieve balance in our families, and this lack of responsiveness may impact the quality of attachment between us and our children. We may need help when our family life is out of balance, but the wide range of parenting advice can be confusing, even overwhelming.

The topic of parenting contains a wide spectrum of theories, values, ideals, opinions, and experiences. So much mainstream parenting advice seems to contradict the very essence of AP that we may sometimes feel as though we are swimming upstream against a very strong current.

Parent-Centered Parenting

We are told that extended breastfeeding is unhealthy or abnormal; that co-sleeping is dangerous; that being emotionally responsive to our children’s physical and emotional needs spoils them and fosters their dependence on us; that we need to fill our lives with activities and things rather than with each other; and so on. Continue reading Striving for Balance in Family Life →