All posts by The Attached Family

3. The Toddler

Focus on the Simple Moments

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By Nikki Schaefer, staff writer for The Attached Family

Nikki
Nikki

On a rainy day, I took my three-year-old son to the restaurant with the golden arches, thinking that he would love to go down the big slides. He did…one time…then stopped to take a bite of his apple dippers.

I asked him, “Do you want to go down the slides again?”

“No,” he replied emphatically. “All done!”

He began to gobble down a few more slices. Having trouble believing that a child would not want to play in Playland, I asked him again, “Do you want to go down the slides?”

“NO,” he said, “ALL DONE!”

He began to run around in circles yelling, “Circle! Circle!” His blond curls bobbed up and down with a toothy smile across his face as he continued to run around, over and over again.

Amused, I watched my son closely. “This is why I love being a mom,” I thought. “What a joy it is to watch this little person take such delight in something so simple.”

It was in that instance I was reminded that, it is not in the jungle gyms of life but in the daily cycles of being where the greatest joys are found.

In a culture that teaches that a child needs Disneyland, a dance class, and a soccer team at age three to find satisfaction, my child reminded me that what he needs most is the space to “be.” My call as a mother of a young child is to allow him the freedom to run, spin, laugh, dance, chase a bug, touch the rain, paint a mural, or just “be.” My job is to create the margins in my life to hold him, talk to him, delight in him, mend an ouchie, pour a glass of milk, and share the wonders of God.

Sometimes, the Playlands of life have their place. It is good to get out of the house, move our bodies, change the scene, and experience some of the greater amusements…from time to time. Yet, instead of always ordering the Big Macs, we are called to “supersize the ordinary.” By consciously choosing not to focus on the highs of life, but instead on the simple moments, we as parents choose a love for our families that is extraordinary indeed.

My call as a mother of a young child is to allow him the freedom to run, spin, laugh, dance, chase a bug, touch the rain, paint a mural, or just “be.”

4. The Growing Child, 5. The Adolescent, The Editor's Desk

Discouraging School-Age Children and Teens from Junk Food

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By Rita Brhel, managing editor and attachment parenting resource leader (API)

Sadly, the challenge of encouraging your child to eat nutritiously doesn’t get any easier as he grows. As they become more independent thinkers, school-aged children and teens are exposed to more people modeling unhealthy behaviors: their peers and friends, other adults in the community, television commercials, even school vending machines promoting quick, easy, and tasty sweets and fatty foods.

Role models don’t have to openly discourage eating nutritiously; ignoring healthy options and choosing junk food first is powerful persuasion.

As children grow, eventually what peers teach begins to compete with the importance of parental guidance. But, in a family that values strong parent-child attachments, the parent will continue to be the top role model. So, even if your teen’s friends are choosing candy bars and pop over healthy snacks and beverages, she’s still learning most of her life lessons from what’s going on at home.

Here are a few ways parents can positively influence their children’s food choices:

  • Lead by example – Your child, even a teen, is learning how to live life by watching what you do and doing it, so if you’re snacking on chips and candy, your child will be, too. Also, actions speak louder than words. Your child learns more from watching what you eat than by listening to you advocate for the apple while you’re munching on a cookie.
  • Cheer up! – Many people, children and adults, learn to eat when they’re unhappy. Help your child find other ways to work through their feelings, such as talking with you or a friend.
  • Beat the boredom – Some children eat when they’re bored, especially while watching television. Turn off the TV and turn on family time with games, outings, or other activities together. In addition to discouraging your child from eating while viewing, turning off the television will reduce the time your child is exposed to junk food advertisers.
  • Moderation is the key – An occasional sweet is OK, but limiting the portion is a must. Teach your child to limit junk food by eating chips only with healthy meals and only offering one or two cookies during one snack time. Be consistent and resilient against protests, especially if you’re starting to change your child’s eating habits.
  • Make your own “junk food” – Bypass the store-bought processed foods by making your own candy, ice cream, sweet breads, and chips. Learn ways to make recipes healthier, such as using skim milk instead of whole milk and using applesauce instead of sugar.
  • Prepare quick foods for your busy teen – Many older children and teens have extremely full schedules, running from sports practice to dance class to church activities before coming home to do schoolwork and getting ready for bed. Junk food is notoriously easy for them to get quick energy, even if it’s not healthy energy. Encourage your child to eat well when they’re looking for quick meals by preparing healthy, tasty snacks for them. Cheese and crackers, a banana, celery sticks with peanut butter are all easy to pack together and don’t have to be refrigerated.

There will still be times when your child or teen opts for a bag of chips and pop instead of a healthier choice, but the goal is to teach her to make the right choice from how you model what to eat. And be creative! Healthy food choices can compete with the sugar- and fat-packed junk food. Find recipes that appeal to your child’s sweet tooth but still give her some nutrition, like a fruit-nut trail mix or multi-grain cookies.

Striving for Balance: Personal & Family

Go Green with Holistic Parenting

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By Nancy Massotto, PhD, executive director of Holistic Moms Network

Everywhere you look, there is a growing interest in eco-conscious choices, natural solutions, and organic products.

While these trends are significant in the marketplace, they are also apparent in a movement toward parenting and lifestyle choices that focus on promoting awareness of environmental conservation, natural remedies, and the importance of reducing, reusing, and recycling.

But living a greener life means more than incorporating green ideas into daily living; it’s a mindset. Parents who are seeking and living this lifestyle are practicing holistic parenting.

Green Parenting

Holistic parenting springs from an awareness of how our choices are interconnected. Like Attachment Parenting, holistic parenting seeks to build and strengthen connections – between parent and child, between our lifestyle and our health, and between our choices and their impact upon the Earth. It’s about understanding the relationship between mind, body, and spirit and trying to find balance.

When you are out of balance emotionally, physically, or spiritually – or when your environment is toxic – it is a sign of illness. Making choices that embrace these interconnections and working with nature and our innate knowledge helps us to restore balance.

Holistic parenting is also about becoming informed and being cognizant of how different options affect our health and well-being, as well as their impact upon our communities and the world. Being conscious of our choices enables us to think on a larger scale and to do what is best for our families.

Although holistic parenting can take many routes, here are some simple things every parent can to do to begin their holistic living journey:

  • Stay informed – Being informed in our parenting and health care choices are cornerstones of whole living. From childbirth options to nutrition, from education alternatives to discipline, holistic parenting seeks a natural path. Parents should look beyond the surface to assess the risks and benefits of their choices to understand how their choices impact their lives on physical, spiritual, and emotional levels. Modern technology has enabled parents to access a wealth of information and to become aware of less conventional perspectives. Parents need to become advocates for themselves, their children, and our planet, and to be open to information that resonates with them regardless of whether or not the data confers with “mainstream” perspectives.
  • Cultivate trust – Living holistically starts with a shift in your perspective away from fear and uncertainty and toward trust in yourself, your body, and nature’s healing power. Cultivating this trust is challenging, but uncovering it is a source of empowerment. From childbirth and breastfeeding to natural healing, trusting in the body and its amazing abilities enables us to recognize that nature holds many miracles. This also means trusting in the needs of our children. We all know babies have needs and wants, but our society tends to minimize their levels of consciousness and awareness. If we trust in our babies’ abilities to know what they need, we will parent more successfully.
  • Tune into your wisdom – Deep within ourselves lies our inner wisdom and intuition. What feels right to us may not be the most traveled path but often will best serve our families. This wisdom guides not only our parenting styles but also simple choices we make everyday. Many times, we may wonder if something is really “good” for us, even if it is considered “safe” by the authorities. If your wisdom is questioning, become informed and seek alternatives. Parenting from the heart and trusting in our instinct honors our own wisdom and abilities.
  • Go natural – The preponderance of chemicals in our food, homes, and environment is wreaking havoc on our health. A 2004 article in The Journal of Pediatrics advised pediatricians to discuss the neurological risks of exposing babies to pesticides, whether through foods or environmental exposure on lawns. In the article, it was noted that the blood-brain barrier in babies is easily crossed by chemicals, thus reducing exposure is essential. They also noted that “we are currently able to characterize pediatric risks for only a handful of the approximately 80,000 man-made chemicals that have entered the environment since World War II.” We need to look for safe, non-toxic products to care for our homes, and to eliminate artificial ingredients, preservatives, and pesticides from our food for the health of our families, and our environment.
  • Live lightly on the earth – Living holistically means recognizing the interconnectedness of our choices. Treading lightly by supporting industries that nurture the earth (such as organic farming), incorporating green practices into your life (such as recycling), and giving back of yourself through volunteer work are essential components of natural living. As parents, we can educate our children to take simple but important steps to conserve, reuse, and to live simply and thoughtfully for themselves and future generations.
  • Find support – While all things “green” may be increasingly popular, living a holistic lifestyle continues to be considered “alternative” and often garners criticism from our own families and friends. Interacting with others who share similar philosophies is empowering and helps parents find the tools they need to grow a healthy family. Social support itself is health creating. Recent studies show that being socially connected to others can improve your physical health and is linked to lower mortality rates. Connecting with like-minded parents can help you learn and share as you continue your journey to a more natural and balanced life.

About the Holistic Moms Network
The Holistic Moms Network (HMN) is a nonprofit organization connecting parents who are passionate about holistic health and green living. For more information, visit www.holisticmoms.org.

3. The Toddler, 4. The Growing Child, 5. The Adolescent, The Editor's Desk

Beyond Babies…Promoting Attachment Through Feeding of Older Children

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By Rita Brhel, managing editor and attachment parenting resource leader (API)

Attachment Parenting International’s Eight Principles of Parenting calls parents to feed their children with love and respect. With infants, this easily translates into breastfeeding or “bottle nursing.”

But what does this mean once children transition to solid foods? How do parents continue AP as their children grow?

An Act of Love

First, parents need to remember that providing food to their children, no matter the age, is an act of love and a way to strengthen their emotional bond. By feeding them, parents are fulfilling a vital physical need. When children’s needs are met, they feel closer to their parents. This doesn’t change as babies grow into toddlers and toddlers into older children.

More than simply offering food, parents reveal how much they care for their children by offering healthy foods and modeling healthy food selection. This may mean that parents, themselves, have to change their eating habits, which can be difficult. This may also mean disagreements between parents and their children as they grow and are exposed to more models of unhealthy habits, especially as teens when peer influence begins to compete with the parental attachment.

Not Always Easy, But Worth the Work

Feeding with love and respect may seem to be one of the easier Attachment Parenting tools offered by Attachment Parenting International – that is, until the first time a weaned toddler decides to refuse all solid foods offered, except graham crackers, for a week. It’s the first sign of independence in the feeding department, and it can make parents worry about whether their child is getting all the nutrients he needs to thrive.

The advice for these parents, in dealing with challenges in feeding their children, is to explore strategies that are attachment-friendly. Forcing a child to eat a food she doesn’t want to eat doesn’t promote attachment; encouraging her to be a picky eater by not offering a variety of foods is unhealthy. Parents often have to be creative in coming up with AP solutions and may have to try several ideas before finding one or a couple that work.

Be Creative in Problem-Solving

It’s important to remember that one size does not fit all, and what may work for one parent may not work for another. Some parents say to simply not worry about a picky eater, that the child is eating as much as he needs and will eat more if he needs to; others find that if they don’t encourage their child to eat more foods that she consistently refuses to try new foods. Some parents trust their teens to make healthy food choices when they’re with their friends; other parents find that talking to their teens about the potential medical consequences of unhealthy food choices what works best.

No one knows a child, and what strategies will work to encourage healthy eating, better than her parent.

The advice for these parents, in dealing with challenges in feeding their children, is to explore strategies that are attachment-friendly.

1. Pregnancy & Birth, The Editor's Desk

Eating With Morning Sickness

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By Rita Brhel, managing editor and attachment parenting resource leader (API)

Of all the changes that take place in a woman’s body during pregnancy, the most uncomfortable for an estimated 70 percent of women – as reported by www.mayoclinic.com – may be so-called “morning sickness,” which isn’t often confined to just the morning hours.

Not every woman who experiences morning sickness finds it debilitating, although other pregnancy signs such as exhaustion, aversions to foods, and sensitivity to odors can aggravate the condition. Morning sickness can range from a loss of appetite and mild nausea to vomiting several times a day, which can lead to dehydration or worse.

For those with more severe morning sickness or morning sickness that lasts longer than the first four months, when many women begin to feel better, eating can become a chore – especially when you’re aware that your eating habits are affecting a new, little life!

Many medical professionals request that their pregnant patients be diligent in taking a daily dose of prenatal vitamin, to be sure that the mother is getting enough nutrition from what her diet.

“The increased demand for blood and hormones raises nutritional demands for the mother,” writes Wendy Hodsdon, ND, in her 2007 article “Prenatal Vitamins: Why Pregnant Women Should Take Them” on www.thedietchannel.com. “Since her fetus is completely dependent on her for nutrition, her body will give it what it needs, depleting her stores, if necessary. This will exacerbate any nutritional deficiencies she may already be experiencing.”

The medical community, as a whole, isn’t entirely certain what causes morning sickness, although many blame a rapid increase in hormones supporting the pregnancy, a sluggish digestive system, low blood sugar, and other possibilities. Sometimes, morning sickness seems genetic, and rarely, it may be related to a complication.

But, according to http://survivemorningsickness.com, the incidence and severity of morning sickness may actually be a result of a woman’s diet. One 2006 study shows that a link with diets rich in sugars, sweeteners, oils used in frying, alcohol, and caffeine; and that women who eat more cereals and pulse foods tend not to have morning sickness.

Still, women shouldn’t force themselves to eat foods to which they have aversions. Fortunately, there are many choices in nutrient-rich foods. Here are some tips for women from SurviveMorningSickness.com to be sure they’re eating right when their pregnant:

  • Do take a prenatal vitamin – Sometimes, the iron in the vitamin can temporarily increase nausea. Talk to your doctor about other brands of prenatal vitamins that may have lesser amounts of this nutrient, while still within the recommended guidelines, and about improving your intake of foods naturally containing large amounts of iron.
  • Take an extra folate supplement – Women who do not get enough folic acid in their diet can get extremely ill. The recommended guideline is at least 400 micrograms per day.
  • Take an extra vitamin B6 supplement – Vitamin B6 can be very effective at relieving morning sickness. The recommended dose is 50 milligrams daily. Be sure to check your prenatal vitamins to make certain your intake of this vitamin doesn’t exceed the maximum 75 milligrams each day. When using vitamin B6 to treat morning sickness, it’s best to divide the dose into three, taking one in the morning, mid-afternoon, and at bedtime.
  • Eat more foods containing iron, less salt – Iron-rich foods include red meat, eggs, chicken, fish, whole grains, spinach, and raisins.
  • Eat more foods containing folic acid – Folic acid-rich foods include bananas, strawberries, oranges, green vegetables, chickpeas, nuts, and cereals.
  • Eat more foods containing vitamin C – Tomato and orange juice taken with meals or prenatal vitamins helps the body better absorb iron.
  • Eat more foods containing calcium – Not only milk, yogurt, and cheese but also fish like salmon and sardines.
  • Eat more fiber – Fiber-containing foods include cereals, breads, rice, oats, and pasta made of whole grain, as well as unpeeled fruits and vegetables. As an added bonus, fiber prevents constipation.
  • Eat more foods containing protein – Foods high in protein include meat, chicken, fish, nuts, tofu, dried beans, peas, milk, and cheese.
  • Eat more foods containing vitamin B6 – Try green, leafy vegetables.
  • Drink six to eight glasses of water daily – Drinking lots of water helps many women, ill or not, feel better. It helps prevent urinary tract infections, which can cause nausea and other discomforts, and if left untreated, can result in premature labor. Drinking plenty of water also decreases Braxton-Hicks contractions, especially in hot weather.
  • Eat more fruits and vegetables – Especially during snacks, opt for fruits and vegetables over breads and sweets.
  • Eat some fish – Some medical doctors advise against eating too much fish due to the risk of ingesting mercury, but eating some fish is part of a healthy diet.
  • When drinking soy milk, be sure it’s enriched with calcium.
  • Avoid coffee, cola, chocolate, and other caffeinated foods.
  • Avoid fatty or fried foods.

Other tips include:

  • Get plenty of rest.
  • Stay away from triggers – If a certain odor or food brings on the morning sickness, try to avoid it.
  • Consult your medical provider – If you’re unable to keep anything down, not even fluids, it’s imperative that you contact your health practitioner, as this can lead to not only dehydration but also production of toxic ketones, which are caused when the body begins to metabolize fat for energy. Immediate treatment for severe morning sickness is typically hospitalization and intravenous fluid treatments; long-term treatment may include pressure point therapy for motion sickness or sometimes medication.

The incidence and severity of morning sickness may actually be a result of a woman’s diet.

Secondary Attachments: Fathers, Grandparents & Other Loved Ones, The Editor's Desk

Stay-at-Home Parenting Not Just for Moms

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By Rita Brhel, managing editor and attachment parenting resource leader (API)

Perhaps you and your spouse have decided that stay-at-home parenting is valuable for your family, and you’re trying to decide who, between you, is the best fit for the job. According to About.com’s Dawn Rosenberg McKay her article “Stay-at-Home Dads,” there are several factors that need to be considered:

  • Which parent earns more money?
  • Which parent has the better health insurance policy?
  • Which parent stands to lose more by taking time off from his or her career?
  • Can either parent switch to part time or a more flexible schedule?
  • Can either parent work from home?

Don’t be surprised if the better fit is Dad. Today, more than ever, more fathers are choosing to forgo their breadwinner roles to embrace the homemaking, child-rearing tasks of the stay-at-home parent. The tide is changing: At one time, not too long ago, “Mr. Mom” was said in jest about a father who had to stay at home with his children, even for a short period of time; today, it’s considered an offensive label put on men who freely choose this family role.

According to the latest U.S. Census report, 143,000 of the 5.4 million stay-at-home parents nationwide are men. A slight proportion compared to women, but the number of stay-at-home fathers is growing. There are now enough stay-at-home dads out there to warrant support groups or father-only playgroups in some local areas, such as Seattle Stay-at-Home Dads and At Home Dads of Greater Dallas; and websites devoted to stay-at-home dads are populating the Internet, such as www.rebeldad.com, www.dadstaysathome.com, and www.daddytypes.com.

1. Pregnancy & Birth, The Editor's Desk

The Rising Rate of Cesarean Sections in the U.S.

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By Rita Brhel, managing editor and attachment parenting resource leader (API)

One in three women (31.8%) in America is now giving birth to their children via a Cesarean section. The highest rate in history for this nation, it is also much higher than the recommendation by the World Health Organization of 5% to 10% — not to mention that the rate of Cesarean sections in the U.S. has increased by 50% since 1996.

The U.S. began at 4.5% in 1965, the first year Cesarean section rates were measured here. At 15% or higher, Cesarean section rates indicate that this procedure is being done unnecessarily, according to a study highlighted by the article “Why the National U.S. C-Section Rate Keeps Rising” on www.childbirthconnection.org.

The article outlines several reasons for the increasing rate of this procedure. But, first, there are two widespread myths about the rise in Cesarean sections to counter:

  1. The number of women asking for an elective Cesarean section, without a medical reason, is NOT increasing; and
  2. The number of women who genuinely need a Cesarean section is NOT increasing.

In a 2005 survey by Childbirth Connection, it was found that only one in 1,600 respondents in the U.S. reported she had a planned Cesarean section with no medical reason, at her own request. The article cited a study that revealed this rate to be comparable with other countries.

Reasons given for the higher rates include women waiting to give birth when they’re older and more prone to developing medical complications, and more women giving birth to multiples. But the article reported that researchers show that the rate of Cesarean sections is going up for all women regardless of their age, health problems, race/ethnicity, or number of babies they are having.

What this means is that the reason behind the increasing rate of Cesarean sections is not on the part of the woman but rather lies with changing standards in the medical community. According to the Childbirth Connection survey, one in four respondents who had a Cesarean section said they received pressure from a medical professional to have the procedure.

According to the Childbirth Connection, here are the true reasons behind the increasing rates of Cesarean sections in the U.S.:

  • Lower priority is being given to non-surgical methods of correcting potential birthing complications, such as turning a breech baby or encouraging labor progress through positioning and movement and comfort measures.
  • Higher rates of labor intervention methods that make Cesarean sections more likely, including induction, getting an epidural early or without a high dose of oxytocin, and use of continuous electronic fetal monitoring.
  • Fewer hospitals and/or medical doctors are willing to deliver a Vaginal Birth After Cesarean section, or VBAC. In fact, only one out of ten women who have had a previous Cesarean section has access to medical facilities and/or doctors who would allow a VBAC.
  • The overall attitude toward Cesarean sections is that this procedure is no longer considered the major surgery that it is.
  • Lower awareness of the increased risks associated with Cesarean sections over vaginal births, such as infection, surgical injury, blood clots, emergency hysterectomy, and intense and longer-lasting pain in recovery in mothers in the short term. In the long term, mothers are more likely to have ongoing pelvic pain, bowel blockage, infertility, and injury during future surgeries. Future pregnancies are more likely to be ectopic, result in uterine rupture, or have problems with placenta previa, accretia, and abruption. Babies born by Cesarean section are more likely to have surgical cuts, breathing problems, difficulty with breastfeeding, and childhood asthma.
  • More doctors fear malpractice claims and lawsuits.
  • More doctors are receiving incentives to practice more efficiently. Planned Cesarean sections can organize hospital work, office work, and the medical personnel’s personal lives. In addition, average hospital charges are much greater for Cesarean sections than for vaginal births, which mean more profit is gained by the Cesarean section.

About Childbirth Connection
Childbirth Connection is a national U.S. not-for-profit organization founded as the Maternity Center Association in 1918. Its mission is to improve the quality of maternity care through research, education, advocacy, and policy by promoting safe and effective, evidence-based maternity care and providing a voice for childbearing families. For more information, go to www.childbirthconnection.org.