3. The Toddler, 4. The Growing Child, 5. The Adolescent, The Editor's Desk

When ‘D’ Meets ‘S’: The Role of Personality in Parenting

March 2, 2009 The Attached Family 1 Comment

By Rita Brhel, managing editor and attachment parenting resource leader (API)

Mother and son Through Attachment Parenting, we learn how truly powerful a close emotional relationship with our children can be. But even with the strongest of bonds, conflict will arise between parents and their children. As children grow, AP focuses more and more on how we, as parents, resolve conflict — in a gentle, positive manner that promotes influence, guidance, and teaching rather than control.

Much of the root of conflict resolution resides in our own selves – in dealing with our own unresolved hurts and biases, as well as finding personal balance, so that we can control the urge to jump to conclusions and react without thinking. And so that we can have the courage to stop in the moment, take a deep breath, and think about how to control our default thinking to be able to react with compassion instead of anger and defensiveness.

Another important piece of this puzzle is understanding how personality differences play into both conflict and conflict resolution. Think about what is most likely to create conflict between you and your spouse or partner: Often, isn’t it because you two do the same thing in different ways? My husband and I encounter this all the time. I am much more detail-oriented than my husband and sometimes don’t understand why he doesn’t see the crumbs on the table, while he wonders why I care so much about the crumbs. The same situation can happen between you and a child who doesn’t see the world in the same way.

Personality Assessments as a Way to Get to Know Your Child Better

The point of discovering your child’s personality traits is not to put a label on him, or to try to compartmentalize the reason behind his actions. Instead, it is another way for parents to get to know their child more — to discover what makes him tick. Continue reading When ‘D’ Meets ‘S’: The Role of Personality in Parenting →

1. Pregnancy & Birth, 2. The Infant

Nutritional Deficiencies in the Mother May Affect Her Attachment with Her Baby

February 24, 2009 The Attached Family Leave a comment

From API’s Publications Team

Healthy diet essential for mothers Nutritional deficiencies in mothers can affect her mental health and lead to inconsistent patterns of mother-child interactions, which in turn increases the likelihood of creating an insecure attachment between the mother and child.

The effect can be two-way, since insecure attachment can lead infant depression which often leads to a repressed appetite in the baby. The resulting nutritional deficiencies in the baby can prolong childhood mental illness.

These theories will be discussed in a March issue of The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition article by Purdue University, “Models Linking Nutritional Deficiencies to Maternal and Child Mental Health.”

3. The Toddler

Secure Attachment During Preschool Years Predicts Healthier Peer Friendships

February 24, 2009 The Attached Family 2 Comments

From API’s Publications Team

A child with a secure attachment to his mother at preschool age is likely to form closer friendships with peers, according to a study published in Child Development. The article, “Bond with Mom Helps Kids Make Friends,” available on LiveScience.com, describes how the mother-child emotionally healthy relationship models what a positive relationship is to look like with others outside this parent-child bond.

Researchers at the University of Illinois also found securely attached children were less likely to form biases toward others. The study included three year olds and four-and-a-half year olds, and assessed how openly the children and mothers acknowledged and communicated their emotions. In addition, the four year olds — and again in first grade — were assessed for language ability and hostile reactions in playground social situations. Mothers and teachers were asked to report on the child’s general peer competence in first grade, and then the quality of the child’s relationship with his closest friend in third grade.

What researchers found were that children who were securely attached to their mothers at age three showed more open emotional communication and language ability at four and a half. Open emotional communication predicted fewer hostile reactions in first grade and greater friendship quality in third grade. These findings suggest that secure attachment teach children how to correctly interpret others’ behavior sooner than children with insecure attachments to their parents, and that they develop comfort in talking about emotions, especially negative, sooner — which leads to closer friendships.

Uncategorized

Poor Attachment Leads to Adult Anxiety Disorders

February 23, 2009 The Attached Family 1 Comment

From API’s Publications Team

Adult anxiety A study to be published in the March issue of Behavior Therapy, “Generalized Anxiety Disorder: Connections with Self-Reported Attachment,” credits secure parent-child attachment in lessening the risk of that child eventually developing a severe anxiety disorder as an adult.

What the University of Maryland and Pennsylvania State researchers found was that adults with severe anxiety tended to report experiencing less maternal love in childhood, greater maternal rejection or neglect, and more maternal role-reversal than did adults without severe anxiety. In general, risk for anxiety in adults increased as did the severity of insecure attachment during childhood. Furthermore, adults with severe anxiety tended to report more unstable emotional relationships with their mothers now, and more difficulty remembering childhood experiences.

2. The Infant

How to Play with Your Baby

February 23, 2009 The Attached Family 1 Comment

By Maathangi Iyer, staff writer for The Attached Family

Baby's play Your child is naturally imaginative — all children are. Most theories of child development view young children as highly creative, with a natural tendency to fantasize, experiment, and explore their physical and conceptual environment.

Having said that, the role of a parent in developing, stimulating, and nurturing the child — with respect to his emotional, cognitive, and language development — cannot be over-emphasized. Based on analysis by “Early Childhood Longitudinal Study’s Birth Cohort (ECLS),” 31 percent of American parents know very little about the pace of a typical infant’s development, such as when a child should start talking or begin potty training. Lack of knowledge can be a detriment to a baby’s development, whether it’s expecting a baby to be able to do something he’s not developmentally ready for or ignoring the child’s need for playful learning.

Even very young babies enjoy playing with their parents, and as the baby grows, so does her need for exploring and learning. The first few years of your child’s life is an exciting time for you and her, as it is this stage that the growth and development of her young brain are the fastest in her life. The day-to-day experiences are responsible for shaping the brain. Your baby’s experiences are what she sees, hears, feels, tastes, and smells — and each experience triggers electrical activity in the brain, enabling it to form these connections and grow. Continue reading How to Play with Your Baby →

1. Pregnancy & Birth, 2. The Infant, 3. The Toddler, 4. The Growing Child, 5. The Adolescent, Secondary Attachments: Fathers, Grandparents & Other Loved Ones, Solo Parenting: Divorced & Single Parents, Special Circumstances: Multiples, Adoption & Special Needs, Striving for Balance: Personal & Family, The Editor's Desk

“Giving the Love that Heals,” an interview with attachment therapist Harville Hendrix

February 14, 2009 The Attached Family 2 Comments

Happy Valentine's Day Dear Readers,

Click here to download your free gift from API.

As promised in the Winter 2008-09 Healing Childhood Wounds issue of The Journal of API — as a followup to the article “The 11th Commandment” — this free audio download is the full version of API Co-founder Barbara Nicholson’s interview with Imago Relationship Therapy Founder Harville Hendrix.

The author of Giving the Love that Heals, Harville’s words are inspiring and motivating — a true reminder that everyday should be Valentine’s Day. You do not want to miss this interview!

Happy Valentine’s Day from API…

~ Rita Brhel, editor of The Attached Family publications

(If you have trouble downloading the file, contact me at editor@attachmentparenting.org.)

2. The Infant, 3. The Toddler

Separation without Anxiety

February 9, 2009 The Attached Family 22 Comments

By Grace Zell, staff writer for The Attached Family

About a year ago, a friend convinced me to do something good for myself and join the local gym. She would leave her two-year-old daughter in the gym’s nursery and enjoy a nice exercise class. Up to this point, I had only left my 18-month-old daughter, Katie, with my mother at our home, or with a trusted babysitter who my daughter warmed up to after a few times with me present. Unfortunately, the babysitter was back at college and my mother lives three hours away, so I figured the gym nursery would be the next best thing to get some “me time.”

I was nervous as I signed up for a gym membership, thinking that this whole enterprise hinged on my daughter being able to tolerate the nursery. The staff of the nursery seemed attentive but not overly warm or concerned about anything other than the safety of their wards. Luckily, on our first day, my friend dropped her daughter off at the same time. Katie was preoccupied with playing with her friend, and I snuck away after telling her that I would return after I was done riding the bike.

Not Yet Ready

After ten minutes, I was paged to the nursery. Katie’s preoccupation with her friend’s presence had worn off, and she noticed that she was alone with a roomful of strange children and adults. She was crying and looking for me at the door. The nursery staff followed a policy of not allowing any child to cry for longer than ten minutes before paging the parent to come, but they advised me to continue leaving her at the nursery while I was exercising — that eventually Katie would be able to stay without crying. Continue reading Separation without Anxiety →

Special Circumstances: Multiples, Adoption & Special Needs

UK Study on Orphaned Chimpanzees Could Benefit Human Orphans

February 2, 2009 The Attached Family Leave a comment

From API’s Publications Team

A study published in the Development Pyschobiology journal involving the care of orphaned chimpanzees could help change the way human orphans are cared for.

According to an article in the European Union’s CORDIS News, “Chimp Study Highlights Importance of Emotional Care in Childhood,” orphaned chimps that were mothered by humans fared better emotionally than chimps raised in a more institutional setting.

The study, which was conducted at the Yerkes National Primate Research Center’s Great Ape Nursery in Atlanta, Georgia USA, was funded by the FEELIX GROWING project. In the study, the chimps that received emotionally responsive care — which included time with human caregivers doing grooming, playing, and other interactions — were happier, smarter, and more emotionally adjusted than chimps given standard care, which focused solely on meeting physical needs.

The mothered chimps were less easily stressed, less often attached to comfort items such as blankets, had healthier relationships with their caregivers, and were more cognitively advanced.

The insitutionalized chimps were more likely to display disorganzied attachment behaviors such as rocking or clutching a comfort item when distressed instead of turning to the caregiver. Because similar behaviors have been noticed in human orphanages and with neglected and abused children, the study’s authors believe theproposed strategies of increasing emotionally sensitive caregiving to orphaned chimps can be translated to orphaned humans.

“The attachment system of infant chimpanzees appears surprisingly similar to that found in human infants,” said Professor Kim Bard of the University of Portsmouth in the United Kingdom. “Early experiences, either of warm, responsive caregiving or of extreme deprivation, have a dramatic impact on emotional and cognitive outcomes in both chimpanzees and humans. Parental sensitivity is an important factor in human infant development, and it would seem the same is true for great apes, as well.”

To read the entire article, go to http://cordis.europa.eu/fetch?CALLER=EN_NEWS&ACTION=D&SESSION=&RCN=30417.

3. The Toddler, 4. The Growing Child, 5. The Adolescent, Solo Parenting: Divorced & Single Parents

Children of ‘High Conflict’ Custody Battles Tend to Suffer More Emotionally

February 2, 2009 The Attached Family 4 Comments

From API’s Publications Team

Emotions Custody cases are rarely pleasant, but in about 10 percent of these cases, it truly becomes a battle between the estranged parents and the long-term effects on their children’s mental wellbeing can be devastating.

According to an article on TheHour.com, “Video Offers Advice to Divorcing Parents,” research at the Massachusetts General Hospital show that 65 percent of children involved in high conflict custody cases — or about 10 percent of all custody cases — experience clinical symptoms of anxiety, which manifested in a variety of ways such as physical aggression, sleep disorders, depression, bedwetting, becoming sexually active prematurely, and even dissociation.

What is Dissociation?

Dissociation is the psychiatric term to describe there is a splitting off of a group of mental processes from the main body of consciousness, as what happens with amnesia and some forms of hysteria.

Furthermore, 56 percent of the children of high conflict custody cases develop attachment disorders that leave them unable to form friendships with others in fear of being abandoned.

“In a sense, there is a neglect,” said family court Judge Elaine Gordon in the video she co-created, Putting Children First: Minimizing Conflict in Custody Disputes. “Because parents who are fighting are not capable of emotionally caring for their children.”

To read the entire article, go to http://www.thehour.com/story/464345.

1. Pregnancy & Birth, Secondary Attachments: Fathers, Grandparents & Other Loved Ones, Solo Parenting: Divorced & Single Parents

Family Bonding Begins Before Birth for Unmarried Couples

January 30, 2009 The Attached Family 1 Comment

From API’s Communications Team

Family A University of Maryland study shows that, more than marriage, involving the father during the prenatal period leads to a stable family life.

The Fragile Families Child Well Being Study, published in the December 2008 Journal of Marriage and Family, found that fathers involved during pregnancy were significantly more likely to remain involved in raising their child at age three.

The study shows that an emotional investment in fatherhood is, not surprisingly, more important than getting married without a sense of real commitment.

To read the entire article go to www.newsdesk.umd.edu/sociss/release.cfm?ArticleID=1805.

Connecting with our children for a more compassionate world.