Crying and Comforting

December 23, 2008 The Attached Family 25 Comments

By Pam Stone, co-leader of API of Merrimack Valley, New Hampshire

**Originally published in the Summer 2008 AP in a Non-AP World issue of The Journal of API

Comforting the Crying All babies cry. And all parents are continually striving to find the best way to respond to those cries.

Unfortunately, there is an abundance of misguided information about how to best respond to a crying baby; sometimes friends, family members, and even health practitioners may push advice upon parents that has not been well-researched.

Babies are born with brains that are only 25 percent of their full-grown size. Ninety percent of post-birth brain growth occurs in the first five years of life, influenced greatly by each interaction between the child and his caregivers. Brain connections are formed based on life experiences, particularly emotional experiences. If a child is not consistently comforted when in distress, his brain will not form the vital pathways that will help him learn to manage his own emotions and impulses. This can have a lasting impact into adulthood. Continue reading Crying and Comforting →

2. The Infant

AP in a Non-AP World

December 23, 2008 The Attached Family 5 Comments

By Sophie Aitkin

**Originally published in the Summer 2008 AP in a Non-AP World issue of The Journal of API

My first baby, Howard, was born in the back seat of our family car on the way to the hospital. My husband continued driving, and I had precious minutes in the back of the car alone with my new baby. As the intense pain of childbirth ceased, I was flooded with an ecstatic love for this little, naked bundle, and the natural process of bonding began.

Naturally AP

From that moment, my instincts took over, and I found myself naturally following the principles of Attachment Parenting (AP), although I was not aware of the literature in this area until later. I slept with him against my body, breastfed him on cue night and day, wore him in a sling wherever we went, allowed him to sleep when it suited him, and tried to be highly attuned and responsive to his needs. I did not leave him with anyone else until he was comfortable to be left, which was when he was nearly two years old and he said emphatically, “Go ‘way, Mama!”

A Non-AP Society

However, I was somewhat surprised to discover that this parenting style, which felt so intuitively right to me, was out of sync with the way that much of society here in Australia expected me to parent. Continue reading AP in a Non-AP World →

4. The Growing Child

From Homeschool to School, and Back Again

December 23, 2008 The Attached Family Leave a comment

By Nikki Schaefer, staff writer for The Attached Family

**Originally published in the Fall 2008 Growing Child issue of The Journal of API

Fall leaves “Mom, there’s just seven more days until the first day of fall!” my six-year-old son announced, giving me the usual morning “fall countdown.” “How are we going to celebrate? Can we jump in the leaves?” he asked.

“You bet!” I responded. “How about jumping in the leaves and making caramel apples?”

“Hurray!” he cheered, with his younger sisters jumping in on the excitement. Continue reading From Homeschool to School, and Back Again →

4. The Growing Child

On Public School

December 23, 2008 The Attached Family 1 Comment

By Joan DeMeyer, co-leader of API of St. Louis, Missouri

**Originally published in the Fall 2008 Growing Child issue of The Journal of API

My decision to send my children to public school was made with some trepidation. In my local API chapter, many of the parents planned to homeschool or send their kids to private schools. Even though I understood the rationale for other forms of education, they just weren’t possibilities for us at the time. For numerous personal and financial reasons, public school was our first choice.

Prepare for School as You Would for Childbirth

Before my oldest daughter started kindergarten, I read a lot of books about education. I read The Unschooling Handbook by Mary Griffith, several of Alfie Kohn’s books on education, and also found Gordon Neufeld’s Hold On to Your Kids to be very insightful. It was a bit like preparing for childbirth. I felt well-informed and ready to tackle any problems that might arise during her school-aged journey.

Staying Connected

When school started, it was not an easy adjustment, but after two or three weeks, my daughter was enjoying school, making friends, and learning all sorts of things. I stayed connected to her while she was at school through several means: I stopped by to eat lunch with her as often as I could, volunteered to chaperone field trips and work at school book fairs, served on PTA committees, became a Girl Scout leader, and joined a group of moms from her kindergarten class. I also encouraged her to invite friends over for play dates. Continue reading On Public School →

1. Pregnancy & Birth

You are What You Eat: A Nutritional Guide to Preventing and Treating Postpartum Depression

December 23, 2008 The Attached Family Leave a comment

By Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, PhD, IBCLC, author of Depression in New Mothers and co-author of The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood

**Originally published in the Spring 2008 New Baby issue of The Journal of API

Fish Becoming a mother can be wonderful – and highly stressful. Sleepless nights, breastfeeding difficulties, a history of trauma, low partner support, or a baby with health problems are all stressors that can put you at risk for depression. Fortunately, there are some steps that you can take to help you cope.

Fatty Acids and Depression

Does it seem like more and more people you know are depressed? You’re not imagining things. Depression is on the rise worldwide. And much of this increase is due to what we eat. Over the last century, we’ve increased the amount of Omega-6 fatty acids in our diets, while simultaneously decreasing the amount of Omega-3s.

Omega-6s are found in vegetable oils, such as corn and safflower oils, and are a staple of many processed foods. Omega-3 fatty acids are polyunsaturated fats found in plant and marine sources, and most Americans are deficient in them. As a result, we are at risk for a whole host of problems – including depression. And pregnant and postpartum women are especially vulnerable. Continue reading You are What You Eat: A Nutritional Guide to Preventing and Treating Postpartum Depression →

1. Pregnancy & Birth, The Editor's Desk

Speaking Out About Postpartum Depression

December 23, 2008 The Attached Family Leave a comment

By Rita Brhel, managing editor and attachment parenting resource leader (API)

**Originally published in the Spring 2008 New Baby issue of The Journal of API

Postpartum Depression So many first-time moms are caught off-guard by their emotions after giving birth to the baby they’ve been waiting for months, even years, to join their family. It’s completely normal to feel a letdown after the big day. After all, childbirth is a life-changing experience in every way. What new moms and their partners need to do is understand how to recognize the “baby blues” and what can help until they go away…usually in a couple weeks.

If not – if the symptoms are lasting much longer, are just plain overwhelming, or are accompanied by feelings of hurting the baby or yourself – see your doctor immediately. Mothers with intensely sad or angry feelings could have postpartum depression, or the more serious postpartum psychosis. These symptoms are very serious and can even be classified as medical emergencies. But they are very treatable; it doesn’t take long until you’re feeling back to yourself again and are able to enjoy the bonding time with your new baby that both of you deserve.

I know this firsthand. Continue reading Speaking Out About Postpartum Depression →

1. Pregnancy & Birth

Planning for the Postpartum Period

December 22, 2008 The Attached Family 8 Comments

By Molly Remer, MSW, CCE

**Originally published in the Spring 2008 New Baby issue of The Journal of API

When my first baby was born in 2003, I made a classic new mother error – I spent a lot of time preparing for the birth, but not much time truly preparing for life with a new baby.

I had regularly attended La Leche League meetings since halfway through my pregnancy and thought I was prepared for “nursing all the time” and having my life focus around my baby’s needs. However, the actual experience of postpartum slapped me in the face and brought me to my knees.

Hurrying to Rejoin the World

My son’s birth was a joyous, empowering, triumphant experience, but postpartum was one of the most challenging and painful times in my life. I had not given myself permission to rest, heal, and discover. Instead, I felt intense internal pressure to “perform.” I wondered where my old life had gone, and I no longer felt like a “real person.” A painful postpartum infection and a difficult healing process, with a tear in an unusual location, left me feeling like an invalid. I had imagined caring for my new baby with my normally high energy level, not feeling wounded, weak, and depleted. Continue reading Planning for the Postpartum Period →

2. The Infant, 3. The Toddler

Help Your Toddler Bond with the New Baby

December 22, 2008 The Attached Family 6 Comments

By Naomi Aldort, author of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves

**Originally published in the Spring 2008 New Baby issue of The Journal of API

Siblings “Mommy, why do you need another Yonatan?” asked my first-born, looking at my growing belly. I hugged him and said, “I do not need another Yonatan. There is no other Yonatan. You are the only ‘you’ there will ever be, and I love you so much.”

No matter how much we explain and include a young child in welcoming his new sibling, he will not comprehend this concept any more than you would welcome another lover for your spouse.

In an extended family, the situation is a lot easier, as mom is not the only caregiver. In the nuclear family, a seven-year-old would happily welcome a new baby as a wonderful addition, but a toddler or a young child who is still seeing himself as the needy one will have a lot of inner turmoil and needs your reassurance that he is still your darling child. Continue reading Help Your Toddler Bond with the New Baby →

Special Circumstances: Multiples, Adoption & Special Needs

Twins Plus Two

December 22, 2008 The Attached Family 3 Comments

By Heather Eckstein, DONA doula

**Originally published in the Spring 2008 New Baby issue of The Journal of API

Being a parent comes with a fair share of challenges and rewards. Being a parent to twins seems to mean twice as many challenges and twice as many rewards! One of the guiding beliefs of API is that every family is unique, with unique needs and resources. I have found this to be completely true.

I practiced Attachment Parenting (AP) before I even knew what the term meant. When my first child was born, it seemed natural to meet his needs in a way that encouraged him to trust me and fostered a greater bond between us. Over time, I found more and more benefits to this style of parenting and knew that my instincts were correct when I wanted to hold my baby and nurture him.

In April 2006, I gave birth to identical twin girls in my bedroom as my older children watched. My other children are both boys and they were ages three and one at the time. I knew that our life was going to change when the twins arrived but really had no idea what daily life would be like for our family. I don’t think anything could have fully prepared me for the next two years. Continue reading Twins Plus Two →

1. Pregnancy & Birth, 2. The Infant, 3. The Toddler, 4. The Growing Child, Striving for Balance: Personal & Family

Sibling Spacing: Five-Plus Years Apart Means More Time with Each Child

December 22, 2008 The Attached Family 5 Comments

By Amy Carrier O’Brien

**Originally published in the Spring 2008 New Baby issue of The Journal of API

Aiden was seven and a half when Owen was born, and almost ten when Liam was born. He had already been with us through the many adventures that had created the foundation of our lives. We didn’t set out to have our first two kids seven years apart; it just worked out that way.

Spacing Children Around College

We were undergrads in college when Aiden was born, with both Jim and I having full class schedules and part-time jobs. Aiden was there with us through college, relocating to what is now our hometown, and navigating through our first “real” jobs. He even went to work with Jim during our first summer out of school.

When Aiden was four, and our feet were firmly planted in our jobs and new house, we considered having more children. Just when I had become attached to the idea of having another child to love, I got the opportunity to go back to school for a master’s degree. Other than us wanting another child, it was the perfect time to go, and my employer would pay for it. Continue reading Sibling Spacing: Five-Plus Years Apart Means More Time with Each Child →

Connecting with our children for a more compassionate world.