1. Pregnancy & Birth, 2. The Infant, 3. The Toddler, Striving for Balance: Personal & Family

Sibling Spacing: Two Years Apart and Getting Easier with Age

December 22, 2008 The Attached Family 8 Comments

By Melissa Hincha-Ownby, API Resource Leader of Arizona, API’s Technology Coodinator, and API’s Forum Administrator

**Originally published in the Spring 2008 New Baby issue of The Journal of API

Melissa's son and daughter — Melissa’s son and daughter

One of the most common questions that parents ask themselves when they are considering expanding their family is, “What is the ideal spacing between children?” There is no right answer to this question, as what is ideal to one family may make no sense to another.

The answer for our family was two years. My sister and I are three and a half years apart, and while we are the best of friends now, the age difference left us both alone in high school. Based on my personal experience with my sister, I knew that I didn’t want my children quite so far apart.

Although two years was on the maximum end of what my husband and I were hoping for, fate stepped in and had other ideas. Ultimately, my daughter was born when my son was two years and three months old. In hindsight, the 27-month difference has turned out to be great. However, in the early years, at times, things were definitely tough. Continue reading Sibling Spacing: Two Years Apart and Getting Easier with Age →

1. Pregnancy & Birth, 2. The Infant, Striving for Balance: Personal & Family, The Editor's Desk

Sibling Spacing: One Year Apart, Too Close or Just Right?

December 22, 2008 The Attached Family 5 Comments

By Rita Brhel, managing editor and attachment parenting resource leader (API)

**Originally published in the Spring 2008 New Baby issue of The Journal of API

I love babies, especially the newborns. I love breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, the whole shebang. When other mothers can hardly stand to get through those first couple months of irregular schedules and sleep deprivation, of crazy diaper explosions and unpredictable spit-up sessions, I am soaking it all in – the comfort of knowing that I am all my little one needs, at least for a little while. For all the challenges my oldest daughter, Rachel, threw my way during her first year of life, the joys and amazement of becoming a parent far outweighed the negatives.

When Rachel turned eight months old, I turned to my husband Mike and said that I thought it’d be fun to have a baby every year. The next month, we found out I was pregnant. It wasn’t planned, but it was wonderful news. There was a problem, however, in that Rachel was far too young to comprehend what it meant to have a new baby brother or sister. Throughout the pregnancy, I tried to introduce the concept of a “baby” to her. I pointed out babies in books and on the TV. I wrapped up one of her stuffed animals in a diaper and blanket. We visited a friend with a newborn baby.

Reality Sets In

In my ninth month of pregnancy, I began to worry about how bringing home a new baby would affect my 16-month-old daughter. How would Rachel handle living with Grandma in an unfamiliar house while I was in the hospital? How would she deal with me being unable to lift her and hold her for eight weeks after a medically necessary cesarean section? How would she cope with not being the sole center of my universe? Continue reading Sibling Spacing: One Year Apart, Too Close or Just Right? →

4. The Growing Child, 5. The Adolescent, Special Circumstances: Multiples, Adoption & Special Needs

UAE Childhood Depression on the Rise

December 22, 2008 The Attached Family Leave a comment

From API’s Publications Team

childhood depression According to an article on the United Arab Emirates’ TheNational.ae, “More than Sadness,” the rate of children with depression in the UAE is on the rise.

According to Dr. Timo Brosig of the German Center for Neurology and Psychiatry in Dubai Healthcare City, one in 33 children under 12 years old – and one in eight adolescents – suffers from significant depression. Experts blame the rising divorce rate, more stress in general, and family anxiety are to blame. With concerns over an economic recession and the financial worries families will have, the rate of childhood is only expected to increase.

Another factor in the UAE is that more children – especially expats – are being cared for by someone other than Mom or Dad. Parents aren’t taking the time to connect with their children, and television is replacing the caretaker position. Continue reading UAE Childhood Depression on the Rise →

4. The Growing Child, 5. The Adolescent

Solution to Childhood Obesity is in the Parents’ Behavior

December 22, 2008 The Attached Family 1 Comment

From API’s Publications Team

ice cream An article on the United Kingdom’s TimesOnline.com, “Tackle Child Obesity: Teach Mums to Eat,” explains how the solution to rising childhood obesity is in teaching parents that their eating behavior is how children themselves learn to eat.

According to a study published in the Paediatrics journal, one in four children ages four to five years old is overweight, despite normal birth weights. The reason, writes a convinced Susie Orbach, is that children are learning from their parents’ troublesome eating habits – their fear of food, preoccupation with body size, frequent dieting, and bingeing.

“You don’t have to be a psychoanalyst to know that childhood is formative and that one’s earliest eating experiences – entwined as they are with our fundamental feelings of security, love, attachment, and caring – form the basis of how we approach food and succour throughout our lives,” Orbach writes.

Continuing, she discusses how children learn to eat unhealthily from parents who eat to fill an emotional void. Children who watch their parents struggle with eating will grow up believing this is normal. These children grow up learning that eating is done not necessarily to meet a physical need but to curb negative feelings of boredom, anxiety, anger and conflict, sadness, and overexcitedness. Instead of dealing with their upset feelings, people with a tendency toward obesity turn to food for soothing, Orbach wrote.

To read the entire article, go to http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/guest_contributors/article5361106.ece.

1. Pregnancy & Birth, Striving for Balance: Personal & Family, The Editor's Desk

Considerations of Sibling Spacing on the Family Dynamic

December 22, 2008 The Attached Family 3 Comments

By Rita Brhel, managing editor and attachment parenting resource leader (API)

**Originally published in the Spring 2008 New Baby issue of The Journal of API

children One year, two years, five years, ten years – just what is the ideal spacing between siblings?

Every mom contemplating their second child wants to know the answer. But just try to look up an exact answer on the Internet, in a magazine, or in a book. Most of these resources, if they choose to pinpoint an age gap, promote anywhere from two-and-one-half to five years as the best range, but no one can say for sure just what is best when it comes to the appropriate spacing between brothers and sisters.

The answer from many experienced parents is it all depends on what you think you’d like. Some say that closely spaced children, those with only a couple of years or less between them, will be more work in the early years but give siblings a playmate. Others claim that widely spaced children will give parents a break from the energy-intensive early years, but the siblings may not be as closely bonded. Continue reading Considerations of Sibling Spacing on the Family Dynamic →

Special Circumstances: Multiples, Adoption & Special Needs

Issues Facing Adoptive Parents of Children with Special Needs

December 22, 2008 The Attached Family 6 Comments

By Heather T. Forbes, LCSW, founder of the Beyond Consequences Institute

**Orginally published in the Winter 2007-08 Adoption issue of The Journal of API

boy The typical scenario of a young married couple adopting an infant from birth has changed dramatically and has been redefined. Historically, a traditional adoption was defined as a healthy infant placed with an infertile, middle-class white couple.

Today, adoptions can be characterized from a much broader spectrum. Many children being adopted are not infants, but are older children of various races being adopted from either the public foster care system or orphanages overseas. Often, children in these groups have suffered abuse, abandonment, and/or neglect.

Due to a history of trauma, these children are considered “special needs” and require special parenting once adopted into permanent homes. Many of these children are dealing with mental health issues such as oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), conduct disorder (CD), reactive attachment disorder (RAD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and/or depression. Continue reading Issues Facing Adoptive Parents of Children with Special Needs →

Special Circumstances: Multiples, Adoption & Special Needs

The Secret Power of Ignorance

December 22, 2008 The Attached Family Leave a comment

By Michael Piraino, CEO of the National CASA Association

**Orginally published in the Winter 2007-08 Adoption issue of The Journal of API

boy I don’t know why, as adults, we think we know everything. Maybe we just automatically subscribe to the theory that as we get older, we get wiser. What I think actually happens is we become more jaded, and we mistake that for knowledge. I think we all agree that age does not teach us. Experience does. That’s why some of my most powerful learning experiences have come from folks far younger than me – but wise beyond their years.

It occurred to me early in my career of advocating for foster children that I needed to find a path to communication with them. This path led me to accepting my own ignorance. I’d like to introduce you to the moment I embraced that ignorance and the impact it’s had on me and thousands of foster children for the past 25 years.

Be Present

My wife and I were at the airport, in an area specially set aside for parents and their young children, waiting to greet our newly adopted infant son. I could barely contain my anticipation. Despite my nervousness and expectation, I couldn’t help but notice a little boy somberly absorbed in squeezing blobs of play clay. After a few minutes, I sat on the ground next to him. He looked at me. I asked what he was playing with. He studied me for a beat and then said, “Play-Doh.” Continue reading The Secret Power of Ignorance →

Special Circumstances: Multiples, Adoption & Special Needs

Rosie’s Adoptive Birth Story

December 22, 2008 The Attached Family Leave a comment

By Sara Cole

**Originally published in the Winter 2007-08 Adoption issue of The Journal of API

Recently, the Seattle API group had a birth-sharing night. Four of us sat down in my living room and shared the stories of how our children came into the world. Listening to the other mamas talk about their different experiences with each of their children, it occurred to me that I also had two stories to tell. As the mother of two children, you’d think this would not have come as a surprise to me.

But I had come to the evening with the expectation of only telling one story – the story of my biological child’s birth. Along the way, though, I realized there are different parts to our birth stories. One part is what happens to us, the mothers. Another huge part is how our babies come into OUR worlds. This is one of the stories I had the privilege of sharing that night in that warm, safe space.

The Roller Coaster of Adoption

Preparing for a child, in adoption, begins with piles and piles of paperwork. Once the paperwork is complete, the agency warned us to be ready for a period of waiting, probably around eight months. Ready to hurry up and wait, my husband and I sped through the forms and essays, compactly scheduled all the necessary home study appointments, and on a non-descript Friday in June, we became “waiting” parents. Continue reading Rosie’s Adoptive Birth Story →

2. The Infant

Postpartum Depression Affects Attachment

December 19, 2008 The Attached Family 2 Comments

From API’s Publications Team

Baby An article on France’s InfosJuenes.com, “Risk of Maternal Depression on the Infant,” reveals research that shows the negative effects of depression in mothers on their babies.

Compared to children of nondepressed mothers, children of mothers with postpartum depression typically perform worse on cognitive and behavior measures, and exhibit higher rates of insecure attachment. The reason: Depressed mothers tend to be withdrawn and disengaged when interacting with their infants, and to be less attuned to their infants’ needs.

In one study, the age at which these poor cognitive measures become most apparent is 18 months. In another study, depression in parents was the number-one predictor of negative parenting behaviors like yelling, hitting, and shaking once factors for socio-economic status, ethnicity, education level, parent age, and employment status were taken out of consideration.

Research has also found a direct correlation between preventing postpartum depression and prevention of behavior issues, insecure attachment, and decline in IQ in infants.

Special Circumstances: Multiples, Adoption & Special Needs

Michigan Foster Family Embraces AP

December 19, 2008 The Attached Family Leave a comment

From API’s Publications Team

Heart The Sturgis (Mich.) Journal has published an article, “Ideology Gives Way to Nurturing for Adoptive Parents,” on November 26, 2008, that features a couple who have fully embraced Attachment Parenting during their last 36 years of foster parenting.

In all, Jim and Anne Cook have raised six children – three given birth by Anne and three adopted – and fostered more than 70 others.

“We had talked about foster parenting as children of the ‘60s,” Jim said. “Realistically, we set out to save the world – have one or two, adopt one or two.” Continue reading Michigan Foster Family Embraces AP →

Connecting with our children for a more compassionate world.